The 11th Hour

Buffy novelist Christopher Golden, Anakin wannabes, test your sci-fi/horror obsession...

Galaxy Quest, Bicentennial Man

Post-apocalyptic video viewing

Buffy, Angel, X-Files, Now & Again, Lexx, Roswell, Earth: Final Conflict

The Club Dumas, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, Moonfall, more...

Upcoming films list, Scream 3, Pitch Black, more...

For sci-fi and horror fans, obsession is more than just a cheesy-ass perfume from Calvin Klein. It is a way of life. The collecting, the web shrines, the deep, intimate familiarity with the workings of your VCR -- it's all part of that special experience that separates you from that other world known as "society." (You know -- the folks that'll spend hundreds of dollars to watch a guy hit a ball with a stick and run around in a circle but mock your need for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer action figure.) The genre fan knows how to color outside the lines, often in a special limited edition Phantom Menace coloring book. The only conventions that we follow are the kind filled with comics, toys, and hordes of our fellow brethren. Ebay is our four-letter word.

But then there are those who take their love of the genre one step too far. Sure, we're all a little...unique, but there's a difference between knowing what kind of Droid Uncle Owen instructed Luke to buy (one that understands the binary code of water vaporators, of course) and actually trying to reconstruct that Droid in your basement. Finding out just where that line lies is the challenge, but we at The 11th Hour are here to help. Below are some scientifically proven questions to help test whether you're a regular fan, a full-blown freak, or someone who shouldn't even be visiting this site in the first place.

1.	You're out at a bar when you realize the guy looking at you from across the room is a total James Marsters clone. You walk over, smile, and say:
		"I see dead people."
		"Will you autograph my Spike and Drusilla comic book?"
		"Would you like to dance?"
		"You know, I bet you'd look really good in a black leather duster. And fangs... um, never mind that last part."
2.	You and the James Marsters clone really hit it off. To express affection to your newfound honey, you:
		Register his domain name.
		Take him out for a romantic dinner and an even sweeter dessert.
		Let him hold your rare special edition Picard action figure-but only for a second.
		Extract a blood sacrifice to cement your otherworldly bond.
3.	For some reason, things with you and your man don't work out, and he dumps you like the latest Chris Carter series. Distraught, you:
		Think, "Well, it happened to Space: Above and Beyond -- and now that's on the Sci-Fi Channel!" and burst into tears.
		Feel bad, but figure you'll get over it in time.
		Decide that you must break up Obi-Wan and Qui-Gonn in your current slash fan fic epic, because no love lasts forever.
		Break open the safe, don your original series Spock ears, and proclaim, 'Grieving is not logical' while you hold back the tears.
4.	A month later, you see him sucking more face than the Flukeman. You:
		Stroll over to his best friend and use your foolproof pick-up line, "Chewie here tells me you're lookin' for passage to the Alderaan system?"
		Turn away and breathe deep -- you're over him now.
		Spread nasty rumors that he's a secret Sliders fan.
		Build an effigy of him and have your Neo action figure shoot off his head.
5.	With no Spike lookalike to divert you, you devote full attention to your literary pursuits. Your favorite literary work of 1999 was:
		The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, by Stephen King.
		The Greatest Generation, by Tom Brokaw.
		Mark of the Crown: Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice, No 4, by Jude Watson.
		LORD OF THE RINGS: 2nd Nanobot Report: Elvish Make-Up with test image!!!, by Harry Knowles.
6.	Just because you're a genre fan doesn't mean you can't socialize. The most frequent phrase you hear from not-so-close friends is:
		"I'm sorry, I forgot. I'll call you back during the commercial."
		"Hey, how you doing?"
		Nothing, because the Mandalorian armor on your Boba Fett costume does not provide the proper olfactory capacity.
		"For the love of God, what are you doing with that Angel action figure?"
7.	Then there is your family. You and your mom became really close when she:
		Got you through your unrequited middle-school crush on Hansen -- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Gunnar Hansen, that is.
		Coached the cheerleading squad the year you went varsity.
		Made your Leia buns look extra pretty in time for Prom.
		Held you as you cried over the loss of that central male figure in your life, Doyle.
8.	Like your idol, Criswell, you're intrigued by the future, as it's where you'll spend the rest of your life. Where you do see yourself in the year 2002?
		In line for a job promotion.
		In line for Star Wars: Episode 2.
		In line for Star Wars: Episode 2 merchandise -- four months in advance.
		In line at the county police station where you have been charged with stalking, inflicting emotional distress, and refusing to testify in any language other than your native Klingon.
9.	Until then, however, you've got more than enough to think about. The most pressing philosophical question of our time is:
		Kirk vs. Picard: Who'll go down screamin' like a bitch?
		What is the meaning of life?
		What is the Matrix?
		If Mulder were to board the Voyager, who would kick his ass first?
10.	You've also got your career. An individual of many goals, your ultimate dream is to:
		Have your homemade Ash action figure (with special detachable hand) featured in Toyfare.
		See your slasher opus written up in Fangoria.
		Grace the cover of Cosmo -- you are a model, after all. And they have those great quizzes!
		Get your picture out of America's Most Wanted, 'cause it's not really kidnapping when it's someone who really loves you, like you know David Boreanaz does.
11.	Guess what? The James Marsters lookalike has realized the error of his ways, and now the two of you are getting married! At the ceremony, you exchange:
		Wedding rings.
		Bride of Chucky McFarlane action figures -- you give him Chucky, he gives you Tiffany.
		Star Trek communicators, so you can whisper sweet nothings from the Bridge to Engineering, just like Tom and B'Elanna.
		Written vows to love, cherish, honor and obey the precepts of the Force as dictated by the Jedi Council.