"The Balance"
Airdate: December 15, 1999

In a fit of righteous anger over Max's secretive ways, Michael heads out to the reservation in search of River Dog and bites off a bit more than he can chew. When he's infected by some sort of caterpillar cocoon disease, Michael's friends must bond together to save him.

For about 3 seconds I actually believed in Max and Liz as a couple. I didn't like them, but I believed in them. Sort of. Anyway... And then Moo had to go and mentioned that her parents were out of town for the weekend. A knowing gaze from Monotone later and they ran, hand in hand, back to her place for a night of wild, sweaty, alien monkey love.

Oh wait. That didn't happen. Damnit. It should have, but didn't. In fact, Boring gave no indication that he heard Insipid's statement, much less understood the implication. Alien or no, this is a teenaged boy, folks. He should have recognized that statement for the "Nookie is a go!" code that it is. Moron.

My favorite distraction, the oddly coiffed couple, are still broken up. Although Rebel Boy doesn't seem to be sure of that. Someone should tell Porcupine Hair that when you tell a girl you don't "get that intense" and watch her leave with tears in her eyes, everything is not hunky dory. For her part, SidekickGirl is playing recently-dumped-chick games like hating the world and flirting with voodoo. Good for her, I say.

Oh wait. I get it now. His subsequent illness was a result of Maria sticking cocktail weenie toothpicks into a silver alien doll, her representation of Michael. Later, while he is in the throes of a fever, she falls to her knees, begs forgiveness and tearfully declares her undying love. He rises from his deathbed completely cured, forgives her, declares his undying love and they walk hand in hand to into the sunset. Fade to black. The End.

Unfortunately that didn't happen either. Especially the last bit. Damnit.

And so, Roswell continues with Michael's vow of "no more running" almost certain to be broken in the next episode.

-- Linda M. Najera

Roswell airs at 9pm EST, Wednesdays on The WB.

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