SPIDER MAN

The saga of Marvel's wisecracking webslinger has been tied up in Tinseltown red tape since the early 1990s. Marvel sold the rights for a film version to Menahem Golan's 21st Century Films, a company later bought out by MGM, who claimed ownership of all Spider Man properties even though Golan had sold off ancillary rights to several other companies. The rights ramblings involved filled five boxes in MGM's legal department. An added bonus found Titanic director James Cameron signing an exclusive deal with Fox and then writing a treatment for the film and expressing his a desire to direct it himself.

The last year finally saw the end of both courtroom battles and Cameron's attachment as well. Fox got the gig, writer David Koepp (Jurassic Park) was brought in to script loosely from Cameron's treatment, and the latest director vying for the job is A Simple Plan's Sam Raimi -- and casting hasn't even begun yet. Fans are abuzz with possibilities ranging from Nicholas Brendon to Leonardo DiCaprio, and Fox is claiming that we'll see it in the summer of 2001. Of course, they've been promising it in the summer of every year since 1991. If you believe it'll be on time, I've got a couple of homemade web-shooters to sell you.

BATMAN 5

Though the debacle of Batman and Robin seemed to toll the death dirge of this franchise, the pitchmen at Warner Brothers are still intent on squeezing blood from a stone. If you're to believe just a few of the rumors surrounding this project, the next Batman flick will either be set in the early days or the twilight years of Gotham City's brooding Dark Knight, the cowl will be worn by either Ben Affleck, Kurt Russell, Mel Gibson, Leonardo DiCaprio, or Clint Eastwood, and the Joker may return in the form of Jack Nicholson or Robin Williams.

There's also an oft-mentioned Catwoman movie in the works, the possibility of a Batman Vs. Superman epic from Richard Donner (whose Superman: The Movie remains to date the single best comic to film move in history), and a proposed live-action television series for the WB Network that details the misadventures of a youthful Bruce Wayne in the days before he donned the cowl. Joel Shumacher may (gasp) or may not (sigh) direct an eventual fifth film, and the release date is anywhere from 2002 to 2005. In one form or another, this one will eventually happen, but let's just pray that we're at least spared the horrific sights of leather-nippled chests and closeups on costume-clad asses.

SUPERMAN REBORN

Sadly, that first section of this article was no joke. Erstwhile producer (and ex-hairdresser) Jon Peters has been trying to get this off the ground since 1997. At the outset, the project was promising due to the fact that Peters had commissioned cult-icon Kevin Smith (Dogma) to write a faithful script that would introduce new fans to DC Comics' oldest champion of truth, justice and the American way while also paying respect to longtime comic retentives. Smith's initial script, entitled Superman Lives was a genuine treasure, updating the character while retaining the spirit of what made him an icon in the first place.

Enter Peters, whose input ranged from "Y'know what makes comic book movies so great? Real martial artists," to "I loved the gay character in Chasing Amy so much that I want one in this movie too -- ooh, I know, let's make it a gay, hyperintelligent, robotic canine! That's sure to pack 'em into the seats!" Not surprisingly, Smith moved on and disassociated himself from the project, which still has Nicholas Cage attached for the Clark Kent role (to Cage's credit, he has admitted to being a fan since childhood). As early as last year, Tim Burton expressed interest in directing, but opted to do Sleepy Hollow when no new script of any caliber emerged. Don't look for the flick to hit the local multiplex in the forseeable future.