That Peter Jackson, he's a crafty one. Not days after one persistent fan was served with a restraining order to keep her out of the crew's faces, she was invited along to Hobbiton (the cunningly named hobbit town) for an exclusive look at some behind-the-scenes workings of the highly-guarded project. The ritual sacrifice entailed in the accomplishment of such a feat is unknown, but the outcome was that Tehanu (Erica Challis), premiere Rings spy and contributor to TheOneRing.net, got so incredibly lucky that she spoke with Peter Jackson and got to write up her experience for the website.

"I was pretty overwhelmed," says Tehanu of her Partial-Access Pass, and understandably so. "For the first half-hour I was introduced around to a lot of people -- some of them famous -- so I couldn't really sit back and observe the way I wanted to. It was disconcerting to have so many people know who I was. TheOneRing.net is visited by a lot of the film crew and actors, in some cases daily. They must get a laugh when we're barking up the wrong tree!"

Which is bound to be a lot less frequently than it once did. "I was kept away from anyone that might have a script in their hand," Tehanu continues, somewhat regretfully, "and while I was admiring one of Alan Lee's drawings for a bridge, he told me where they were going to build it; I was asked not to say." Of course, this kind of restriction is not going to keep good Tolkien fans down. "Our 'spies' eventually find out some of this stuff anyway," she adds, "which probably makes me look a bit suspicious to the film company. How can they tell I didn't tell?

"I had about two hours looking over PJ's [director Peter Jackson's] shoulder while he watched the video capture monitors of the scene they were filming," she continues. "He'd answer my general questions about filming, but I really didn't feel that it was appropriate to start hassling him to find out whether Balrogs had wings and would we see Sauron, so I didn't ask. I suspect the professional journos want to kill me for missing an opportunity like that." Well... maybe. But why would any sensible person risk such ire from the World's Press? "Just plain curiosity," Tehanu explains. "Well, that and the fact that thousands of fans around the world want to know what the movie is going to be like, and I'm in a position to find out more than most people."

That "position" is in the relatively small island nation of New Zealand. The combination of its youthful geological volatility, variety of climate and lush wilderness makes the home of Xena a perfect setting for the unspoilt early European landscape envisioned by Tolkien. Jackson, a New Zealander himself, was a bold directorial choice for this series of films. Sure, this was a pet project of his, and he is apparently quite the Rings fan, but with a directorial resumé basically consisting of low-budget horror films (The Frighteners being a slight exception), and the very trippy Heavenly Creatures, New Line are definitely taking a chance.

Though, as has already been observed, they could probably have had Michael Bay in charge of things -- hell, Joel Schumacher -- and still have been confident of raking in the big, Spielberg-style bucks. Did anyone else just get this weird image of The Lord of the Rings as directed by Jan de Bont?

The special effects in these films will, of necessity, be breath-taking. With not an Industrial Light and Magic logo in sight, New Zealand-based Weta Limited (who, for a visual effects design company, have a really sucky website) are responsible for the rumoured several thousand computer generated images that will be used to create Middle Earth, and many of its creatures. Look for a few characters that will be completely fabricated -- Jar Jar is slated to make a cameo -- as well as many spectacular effects that will take precedence over any sort of plot at all, and will make all the actors seem wooden and unconvincing....

Are these Phantom Menace insults subtle enough?

In fact, there is an almost eerie similarity between the fandom of the Force and the fandom of The Ring. The talk of forming lines for tickets on opening day has already begun, and the anticipation is building daily. The true fans, who probably already own every piece of Middle-earth-style pottery and linen and cleaning product, will have a whole new set of merchandise to purchase, and a new hero to genuflect to daily as they turn their faces towards New Zealand.

The really scary aspect of this whole new movie thing is the merchandising. There's already so much LOTR stuff out there, and this is before they re-release the novels with five different covers. In fact, the licensee of all previous Tolkien products, Iron Crown Enterprises, was bought out of all stocks in September of 1999 by Tolkein Enterprises in what they claim was an amicable separation, but it can be supposed was actually a case of Daddy finding a twenty-three year old blonde and buying a red sports car before hightailing it to Mexico with Candi and the contents of the joint bank-account.

Which, for us kids, means new -- and expensive -- toys!

But the world of Tolkien -- that spiritual world that the faithful preach about -- is not about Franklin Mint and chess sets and tarot cards. And the gripping, timeless fantasy of innocence and guilt, joy and sorrow, sure as hell isn't about goddamn pencil cases and colouring books. Yet that is what The Lord of the Rings is almost sure to become. Just like any other popcorn movie, it will be about the star names and the attendances, the hits on the official website to download the trailer, and whether or not it grosses more money than Titanic.

And soon it will be Peter Jackson's Rings trilogy, and not so much J.R.R. Tolkien's. Tolkien -- often imitated, never surpassed -- could easily become a forgotten artist, whose work kids will pick up ten or twenty years hence, read for a bit (until they start wondering who the hell that Tom Bombadil character is), and then decide to go pretend to be Elijah as Frodo in the holodeck, or whatever, instead. Once a book becomes a movie, it is no longer the exclusive domain of the author that created it, and J.R.R. Tolkien -- that complex, brilliant, perplexingly circumlocutory genius -- could one day be only a name that people see in the opening credits, and then all-too-easily forget.

Which would never have happened if he'd just used the name Reuel.

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