"Somnambulist"
Airdate: January 18, 2000

The little things in my life are finally starting to add up. The small coincidences are beginning to make sense. I have that prickly feeling on the back of my neck. The answer is obvious to me now.

I'm psychic.

I don't know why it never occurred to me before, but it's obviously true. I see things before they happen. (And I see dead people, but that's a different story.) You all missed it, but I demonstrated my amazing powers of premonition during "Somnambulist". In hindsight, I wish I'd performed this feat in a tent at the circus sideshow, because my cut of the profits could've kept me fat and happy for the rest of my life. Come one, come all, and see the amazing Plot-o-Predict-o! Or maybe I could go work for the Psychic Friends Network.

On the other hand, I might be able to find a more cushy job with Mutant Enemy. Because I can see into the future to predict the plots of their episodes, I might as well see farther into the future and just write the plots, too. I think it's a good plan. They'd be fools not to hire me.

Of course, I could get unlucky like Cordy did in "Parting Gifts" and have them Mutant Enemies just steal my eyeballs, but I don't see that happening. And because I'm psychic, I see the things that'll happen. And I can prove it; I have witnesses.

Angel was stretching on into its slowdive of boredom, but really it was only fifteen or twenty minutes into the episode. After a rash of killings in the city that Angel had dreamed about and which bore his old serial-killing signature, the poor lad was afraid that he was somehow killing people in his sleep. Chained to his bed (not a bad idea at all), Angel had some dreamy flashback to his Angelus days, complete with period clothing and bad Irish accent. That was when it happened. I didn't have a full-blown Doyle-type vision. It wasn't some kind of wacky rapid-camera-motion inverted-technicolor thing. It was accompanied by a bit of a headache, but only because I finally realized how the mighty had fallen.

I predicted the rest of the episode, then and there: a vampire created and trained by Angelus was the killer, not Angel himself. Kate ventured alone into a building where she knew the killer was hiding (even though going in by herself made absolutely no sense). Angel rushed to her rescue and in the process of beating on the killer, revealed his true face and his hidden nature. The killer escaped. Kate freaked out and figured out Angel's big secret. The killer went after Kate. Angel saved her. The end.

Of course, like any psychic, my record isn't perfect. When Kate drove a very large stake right through Angel to get at the other vampire, I didn't see that coming. I actually saw Angel throwing himself on the stake instead because he's such a broody, depressing martyr, and that's just the sort of thing he's likely to do. But I did predict that Wesley would behave like a moron, that he'd walk right into danger again, and that Cordy would bore my brains out. Those all came true. So I figure I've got a pretty solid batting average.

I have more predictions, too. The visions are mounting. I predict that Wesley will continue to be underdeveloped and few people will actually admit to liking the character; he won't gain any dimension within the foreseeable future. I predict that Cordelia will become little more than a vehicle for one-liners and lose whatever dimension she gained during the first, oh, nine or so episodes. I predict that the show will continue to lose viewers due to a complete lack of chemistry between its three main leads.

Oh, and I also predict that Elvis will be found, alive, in a shopping mall in Vancouver. But I could be wrong.

-- Lisa Kincaid

Angel airs Tuesday nights on the WB.

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