"The Toy House"
Airdate: January 19, 2000

After Miracle Max magically puts out a grease fire that almost cooks his adopted mom, she starts to question the origin of her beloved children. Isabel, who has always been close to their mother, desperately wants to tell her while Megalomaniacal Max and Misfit Michael insist otherwise.

And this week, another exciting episode of watching paint dry. Literally.

Well, okay that was only one scene, but whenever Max was onscreen I pretty much had the same reaction. And while in the past I've been equally critical of Liz, after "The Toy House" I came to the conclusion that one of the cement shoes attached to the sinking Roswell is Max/Jason Behr. The other is the lousy writing, but that's a whole other story. Or lack thereof.

Witness a teary Isabel confessing that she needs their mother. Watch how Michael first reaches out to Maria and then pushes her away. Observe Liz carrying on a conversation with a boy that not only doesn't include lengthy cow-eyed, adoring gazes, but also doesn't involve keeping her face expressionless lest she give away the secret that's not hers to tell.

In other words, all of them act like normal people by showing strong and/or conflicting emotions. All pretty good stuff in a teen soap opera kind of way if you ask me.

Then you must try to keep your eyelids open as Max... um... paints the ceiling, fights with Isabel, gives his mother a birdhouse, stands completely still while the minutes tick ever so slowly by... Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

My God! Jason Behr is the anti-Christ!

Actually he's not. It just sounds more exciting to say that than what he actually is: a really bad actor.

That's not to say that the rest of the cast are Brandos and DeNiros. Oh, hell no. But at least they have more than two expressions and have displayed the ability to manipulate their voices to speak their lines as if they were from Earth and not Vulcan. Even Moody Michael throws an emotion in there every once in a while so it's not like it can't be done.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on Behr. After all, it's not his fault that the writers and directors don't give him anything to do besides sit back and brood. At least I think he's brooding. As his forehead isn't even allowed to furrow dramatically I can only make an educated guess.

My point? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Max is a crappy character. Jason is a crappy actor. Roswell is a crappy show and will probably remain one as long as Monotone Max is the focus of all the action.

-- Linda M. Najera

Roswell airs at 9pm EST, Wednesdays on The WB.

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