Strong Chicks In Crisis
Roswell, Dark Angel, and the downfall of the genre television heroine.
      by Linda M. Najera

Did I mention the plot contrivances that require hooker outfits?

Completely overlooking the fact that Max's (Jessica Alba) range of facial expressions can be counted on one finger (and I use the middle one, in case you were wondering), her continual strong-but-silent act reeks of TV shorthand. The cliché "still waters run deep" just doesn't cut it here as the pretty but blank stare the audience is subjected to week after week from super-soldier chick is about as vacant as my bank account 24 hours before direct deposit hits on payday.

Consider, for instance, the pilot episode, which, while full of big-screen production values and lots of close-ups of Alba's pouty, bee-stung lips, marked the series' heroine as neither the brightest crayon in the box, nor a possessor of the least bit of compassion. Despite being informed of the conspiracy which involved cheating those who suffered from the Balkan War Syndrome out their medication, Max, through her inaction, allowed her good friend and mentor to die of this affliction, choosing instead to help another co-worker who was about to have his philandering ways revealed.

Can I get a "What the fuck?"

While her 8 years as a Manticore super-soldier-in-training could be considered a bit of a handicap to her burgeoning humanity, she has had a full decade among normals with which to practice her social skills, after all. Then again, look at the stellar examples of humanity with which she surrounds herself. Not exactly the best judge of character is our Max.

Who is this again and what does she have to do with the show?

Original Cindy (Valarie Rae Miller), Max's buddy and a sassy, black lesbian to boot (or so we are reminded every freakin' week), is best taken in small doses. Her ultra-hip, urban slang and prying ways, while providing some levity, rarely fit in with the dramatic A plots which pit Max and Eyes-Only crusader Logan Cale (the yummy Michael Weatherly) against the uber-villains of the Dark Angel universe. Her scenes often play as if cut from a sitcom and pasted into this series, lest Dark Angel appear too dark.

Kendra Maibaum (Jennifer Blanc), Max's roommate, has a Rolodex full of men's names and phone numbers, can cook Italian, and speaks Japanese fluently. That's pretty much all we know about the girl who shares living space with the show's heroine. Although she did take part in Max's intervention, the lack of characterization for Kendra is par for the course in the Dark Angel universe.

It seems that Charles Eglee and James Cameron (hey, if he puts his name on the show he has to share some of the blame, okay?) are content to try and avoid stereotypes by simply not developing their characters beyond cardboard cutouts with quirky (or in Alba's case, pouty) bits and pieces of traits. Even combining the so-called personalities of all three females (to quote Original Cindy) together would lack the depth of a one of the fully realized fictional women who appear on such show as Farscape and Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Still a big, sucking hole of stupid.

Roswell and Dark Angel aren't the only playgrounds for characters of the intellectually-challenged variety though. Perhaps it is just that I've not seen some of the Andromeda episodes that have already aired in the UK, but I still maintain that Trance Gemini (Laura Bertram) is a big, sucking hole of stupid, hints to her having ties to a greater power be damned. Obnoxiously perky, woefully ignorant, and more than a little accident-prone, Trance is lucky that her shipmates have yet to throw her out of an airlock. Although not everyone has to be smart, why is it always a girl who gets stuck with the idiot role?

But, of course, the saddest entry in this category is the former poster girl for strong chicks, The X-Files' Agent Dana Scully, M.D. (Gillian Anderson). Having once commanded respect and admiration from both sexes for her intelligence, professionalism and ability to handle herself in a crisis, Scully has now been reduced to a weak, teary-eyed, always-in-need-of-rescuing girl. The woman who frequently saved her male partner and searched for logical answers to illogical events is gone and has been replaced by someone that gives away her gun and apologizes for not keeping a big, strong man around all the time.

It's enough to make to make a grown woman weep, I tell ya.

Or at least it would if there were not for...

The Ones With Potential

Why is it the wacky sidekick is the only one excused from the bitch slappings?

Even bad shows can have good characters. Okay, so some, like Dark Angel don't have any of the female variety (but woohoo -- Logan Cale), however, excluding James Cameron and Charles Eglee's bastardized test tube baby, even Roswell manages to present at least one woman worth mentioning.

Perhaps the only female character to come out of the disaster that is Roswell with even a semblance of wisdom and backbone is Maria DeLuca (Majandra Delfino). Maybe her status as second banana has given her immunity from the brain/spine-sucking creature that inhabits the fictional Roswell, New Mexico. Even if she still has an unhealthy attachment to the moody hair-don't known as Michael Guerin (Brendan Fehr -- and how scary is it that I can correctly differentiate between the -ehr boys?), Maria regularly displays more ingenuity and courage than her female companions. Yes, no one has ever called her clever or even brave, but as each successive scene in "Wipeout" proved, when push came to shove, Maria could be counted on to come through.

Captain Valentine heeds the call of adventure.

A trip back to the future reveals that while Trance Gemini spends her time wasting oxygen in Andromeda's universe, her female shipmates have a bit more inner strength. Not quite sure she fully buys into Captain Dylan Hunt's (Kevin Sorbo) quixotic quest, Beka Valentine (Lisa Ryder), the captain of the salvage ship the Eureka Maru, is, nevertheless, willing to go along for the ride as long as it involves a bit of adventure. And although not fully human, the Andromeda Ascendant's flesh and blood avatar (Lexa Doig) has proved invaluable to and strangely in touch with her captain. Her unwavering loyalty and quick thinking almost balance out the odd fascination she has for Kevin Sorbo's alter ego, Hunt. Almost.

Buffy spin-off Angel has finally started to follow in the footsteps of its sister show. Tough, strong, open-minded Police Detective Kate Locksley (Elisabeth Rohm) took a bad turn last season and seemed destined to continue obsessing over Angel even more than one of my co-workers (and not in the same good, drooly way either), but has turned the corner and returned to normalville. Unfortunately she did so just in time to watch her formerly incorrect accusations about Angel not caring who got hurt become reality. Ah well. At least she's no longer foaming at the mouth in every scene. And, hey, Cordelia Chase (Charisma Carpenter) has finally got her act together. Despite being fired, our favorite former-queen-bitch has embraced her gift and refuses to let Angel (David Boreanaz) or even Gunn (J. August Richards) stop her from doing what she knows to be right. Okay, so it might be nice if Cordelia took a little more active role in fighting the good fight, but you can't have everything all at once I suppose.

In the meantime, however, it's a good thing we have...

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