Dark Angel
"Art Attack"

Airdate: February 6, 2001

Logan and Max discuss art.

This week on Dark Angel [Lite], Golden Globe nominated actress Jessica Alba runs about and battles evil art thieves... in a ball gown! I wonder what Joan Rivers would have to say?

After witnessing this episode, I think I've now earned the right as a regular viewer to officially re-name this series to my favourite bad line from the pilot episode: You Work That Dress, Homegirl! I think a lot more people would watch it, don't you? Hey, I've heard worse titles. Remember that Michelle Pfieffer movie Dangerous Minds about the inner city high school? I just discovered that it was originally titled My Posse Don't Do Homework! It could happen.

But I digress. Not that I really have anything particularly intellectual to say about "Art Attack" or anything. The best I can do is say "Bravo!" to the wardrobe department, because the most consistently eye-popping aspect of this episode is that ball gown. First, it's used as a major plot point -- the occasion is a family wedding, and Logan needs a date. Max, who has never been to a wedding before, decides to go all out in order to fit in with Logan's upper-class relatives -- she steals this strapless red dress. Not a skanky-ho red dress, but quite a classy one. And to give credit where credit is due, Alba looks absolutely stunning in it.

Max steals the dress.

Watch out for that hemline! A cause for struggle! The Dress can also be a hindrance when trying to kick the crap out of a bad guy, which sets up the best joke in the whole episode -- when Max slips on The Dress and falls soundly on her ass. Now, I'm not trying to be nasty. In fact, I appreciate how director, Jim Contner, injected some tongue-on-cheek humour here. It's almost an acknowledgment towards the viewers that they know very well just how ridiculous it is to have this girl beating someone up while all glammed-up like that.

Of course, Max wouldn't have to be fighting any angry Koreans at all if those idiot Jam Ponies didn't get in themselves into a mess. The dangerous plotline follows Normal, who is kidnapped when he accidentally switches important mail packages. He is held captive by a pissed-off art forger (rapper Master P) who thinks someone from the Jam Pony has pilfered one of his precious paintings. This painting, which Max is sent to retrieve, actually turns out to be an original Rockwell. When a jingoistic Logan announces passionately about keeping great American art in the United States, he and Max hatch a plan to frame the baddies, steal the painting back, and save the world once more, without really acknowledging their feelings towards one another.

Michael Weatherly looking like a sexy fox.

Before this adventure begins, Max does get a glimpse into Logan's background, which doesn't really reveal anything that hasn't been previously established. His family is a perfect stereotype of snotty, rich and spoiled. They wonder when he will ever get a 'real' job, as if vigilante justice towards the all that is bad in America isn't job enough. At the wedding, he also runs into the dreaded ex-girlfriend, which brings out Max's jealous streak. Alba does her best to look both unimpressed and sad, like Angelina Jolie on holiday without Billy Bob. But like Logan's ex-wife before her, this ex-girlfriend fails to be much of a threat to Super Max (anyway, the Ex turns out to be a lesbian, which seems to be some kind of running theme on this series).

By the way, after all this talk about fashion, I cannot fail to note that Logan is also dressed to the nines in a sharp-looking tux. Despite the fact that he still refuses to shave off his designer stubble, the female audience certainly can't complain that they don't have anything nice to look at either. There is also a small, intriguing hint to the viewers, when Logan falls and grimaces in pain. Looks to me like Logan may be regaining feeling in his legs, perhaps as a result of Max's impromptu blood transfusion in an earlier episode? She is after all, a genetically enhanced human, with feline DNA in her body. I once read that cats heal unusually quickly from broken bones and such. Oh my, (cue the bow-chic-a-bow-bow music) what possibilities this may bring to the dynamic duo and just in time for sweeps!

-- Julie Ng

Dark Angel airs at 9pm EST/8pm MNT, Tuesdays on FOX.

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