Dark Angel
"Blah Blah Woof Woof"

Airdate: December 12, 2000

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you... oh what a thing to do... and it was all yellow. Or orange. Whatever.

Studies have shown that no matter how wonderful the beginning and middle of anything is, be it novel, film, or TV show -- the ending is still the last thing you see and therefore the part you'll remember the best. This is why so many movies are forced to change their endings so often after test screenings. And this must be why the finest episode of Dark Angel has just aired, and all I can think about is how annoying the last scene was.

Lydecker turns the entire population of Seattle against Max when he promises a reward of $50,000 to anyone who turns her into the cops, on the grounds that she murdered Vogelsang, her informant. In actuality, it was Zach who killed him for the sake of Max's own safety. So, in Zach's efforts to keep Max from being captured, his actions have actually ended up putting her face on wanted posters all over the city. Such irony!

All sarcasm aside, "Blah Blah Woof Woof" feels different from all of the episodes previous. Not only is it the nicest looking one (kudos to d.o.p. Brian Pearson), it's also the first time Dark Angel has had its real heart in a story. Firstly, the fight scenes, the stunts, the comic relief -- all that stuff comes second for once, with the relationships between characters now moving into the forefront. All of the conflicts (and there's tonnes) exist to develop two emerging love stories, one between Max and Logan, and another between Zach and Max. There genuinely seems to be real motivation behind all of the characters' actions, and even detailed continuity from past episodes.

"No, Alba, dammit, you're supposed to go under the car, and then I run you over, and then you're dead."

Throughout the show, Logan is suffering from severe back pain, but he hides it from Max, who has her own problems, what with the bounty on her head and all. Being the Good Samaritan he is, he teams up with Zach to get her out of Seattle. A lot of work is put into this scene. Aesthetically, the warehouse set pieces in the escape are massive, and Max is in full action hero mode -- swinging from a wire while dodging bullets, roughly landing on top of a van, rolling off of the roof to crash onto the hood of Logan's car, in one foul swoop. Very cool.

As Logan drives them out into the boondocks, each character knows fully well that Max will never be able to return back to the city. They drive in silence, save for a classical music piece by Sibelius playing on the car radio. No wisecracks about the female species laying the smackdown on males, no sentimental Valley Girl speeches. And silence is golden, especially on Dark Angel. When Logan and Max have to part, neither really knows how to say goodbye, so it's just several exchanges of their sad eyes awkwardly going back and forth for an extended amount of time. This eventually ends in a desperate kiss, which to be perfectly honest, I completely did not expect. Weatherly and Alba are the best they've ever been here. Shows what they can do when they don't have deliver the stilted dialogue that they're usually trying to sell as actual language.

Even the relationship between Max and Zach gets some fine moments. The two of them can no longer speak to each other civilly, so they try to settle things in a physical fight. Although Zach is an ass, he has the most integrity of all of the characters, as proved by his actions towards the end. In addition to being a cuter, taller version of Matt Damon (look closer and he's also a real-life incarnation of that guy in Titan A.E), William Gregory Lee somehow performs a very sympathetic jerk to Alba's stubborn Max.

"You are going to watch my show, or I'm going to kick your ass!"

In another unconventional scene (for this regularly conventional series), Max has a delirious, surreal dancing dream while giving Logan a blood transfusion. Despite its earnest intentions and the nice cinematography, it comes off as cheesy -- especially when she repeats the line, "Never let go" (way too reminiscent of Titanic). Of course, this is followed by her weepy one-liner to Logan while he's unconscious. I can only dream that they show this at the Golden Globes as Alba's best actress clip:

"If you die on me, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Oy! Why couldn't those wonderful unspoken silences carry over into the very ending? Max, Zach and Logan, all work much better as the strong silent types. And I fear I mention it too often, but "Blah Blah Woof Woof" also brings back those dreadful voice-overs which play over Max posing atop Seattle's Space Needle.

If you were to go back to watch the epilogue of this episode and press MUTE on the remote control, you would see a fitting, solemn ending. Max watches the news story about a crashed chopper. Without the news anchor having to explain anything, she already knows that Zach is involved somehow, and so does the audience. Did he survive? Probably. Will she ever see him again? Maybe not. These are the questions left for Max to ponder sadly at her own little safe haven. Crank the volume back up and this inner turmoil is jarred by Alba's grating, chirpy voice, regurgitating exactly that; spoon-feeding us what we can already get from her simple, subtle body language on screen.

There have got to be ways around having to do this! Or at least, better ways than how they're doing it now. Conflicted teen, Kevin Arnold was always able to sum things up with great poignancy on The Wonder Years -- using a different actor for the voice-over. Hell, even Doogie Howser had something decent to read off his computer journal every night, despite being the slowest typist in the world. If the writing staff absolutely insists on closing episodes with these voice-overs, then I heartily recommend they get tips from a show that did it right.

-- Julie Ng

Dark Angel airs at 9pm EST/8pm MNT, Tuesdays on FOX.

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