Roswell
"We Are Family"

Airdate: January 29, 2001

After a completely bogus questioning of Valenti and the Evans siblings' roles in the rescue of Laurie DuPree (Allison Lange), the sheriff is suspended and later fired outright. While Max and Liz waste valuable film and screen time blathering on about completely inconsequential and boring crap in the eraser room, Michael and Isabel do a little digging and discover that even in 1935 Michael had no fashion sense.. er... I mean that somehow Michael and Laurie are related.

It's better if you imagine a bullseye on her forehead. At least it is for us.

During the course of events some green, glowing, oddly coagulated jello is found and is discovered to have alien properties which looks to be important in next week's episode. In less earth-shattering news Alex has come back from Sweden minus his infatuation for Isabel and Maria's cousin Sean continues on with his completely wrong crush on Liz, which, of course, leads to more screen time for Shiri Appleby. And that, boys and girls, is never a good thing.

I don't want to get into another Liz-bashing-fest, but damn that girl deserves it! She whines and cries and acts as if her piddly romantic problems are more important than anything else going on around her, including the firing of Sheriff Valenti and the abduction (and burying alive) of a girl in their area. And when you add Max Evans to the mix it only gets worse. It got so bad that during their big, emotional, eraser room scene, my 18 year-old co-worker felt the need to let out a long, drawn out "Mooooo!" Yes, the IQ draining stare was back. God help us all.

Liz and Max weren't the only things sucking in this suck episode. Where in the hell did Maria go? Could Ma and Pa Evans be any less interested in their children's welfare? (Sorry, even if it was just for questioning, my parents would have been at the sheriff's station in a heartbeat and there'd be no way I'd come home in a cop car.) Liz, when someone breaks into your parents' home and business? You call the police. Need more help? 9-1-1. Scenes cut so quickly between day and night I got whiplash. Dammit, Isabel, make Michael go shopping because if I have to see that striped shirt again someone is going to get hurt. And I don't mean Liz. This time.

Oh there was other stuff that bugged, like the action scenes that had me reaching for the fast forward button on my remote and the ease in which Isabel and Michael found Laurie's things at the crazy house, but I've learned not to expect much from Roswell. It's just easier that way.

In the midst of all the crap, however, were a few gems. If I couldn't have Maria I suppose that Amy De Luca wasn't such a bad replacement. Seeing Amy stick up for Valenti and then try to shake him out of his doldrums reminded me of Maria's similar actions on behalf of Michael. And speaking of the Family Valenti... Which I was cause, you know, Jim Valenti, father of...

Let me make this perfectly clear, I love me some Kyle Valenti (Nick Wechsler).

Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

Whether he's giving Max shit for screwing up his and his dad's life or putting just the right amount of emotional punch into the line, "Tess, don't leave." to make your heart constrict in your chest, the boy is such a refreshing change from Max The Mighty, Max The Moronic, Max The Monotone that I almost forgive him for his completely wrong fixation on Liz Parker last season. He also inspires Tess to use her spine.

And here at The 11th Hour, we always consider that a good thing.

-- Linda M. Najera

Roswell airs Monday nights at 9pm EST on The WB.

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