The X-Files
"Surekill"

Airdate: January 7, 2001

"Please tell me I can take the title of this script literally."

Truth be told, I honestly tried to watch "Surekill," the latest X-Files debacle, errr, I mean episode in one sitting. I set aside an hour for it, made sure that there were no outside distractions to pull me away from the viewing of which the end result would be the very review (and inevitable slam) you're looking over right now. Five minutes into it, however, I found my attention wandering... how many teensy microscopic holes are in my ceiling... how many novels have I read while riding the subways in New York over the last year... how much can my new 27 inch digital monitor amplify this episode before it stops sucking.

As usual, the episode actually gets off to a good start with a solid teaser. It is, of course, the middle of the night, and the stereotypical terrified man, this one going by the name of Carlton Chas, certain that he is being pursued by "Unknown Sinister Forces", runs into a local police station begging for sanctuary. Quickly realizing that he actually has to do something in order to get arrested, Chase makes a move for the nearest cop's gun and, a flashcut later, he tossed into a solitary padded cell. Only a moment after that, his head explodes.

Cigarette-Smoking Man, Version 2.0.

A nice teaser that hints at provocative storytelling to come -- just like the first two seasons of this once intriguing and now horribly dull show. Soon enough, Doggett and Scully are on the case and are investigating two brothers who run the Surekill Extermination Service (probably shouldn't have gone with such an obvious name, huh). The first brother is named Dwight, and he's a straight-up bastard who happens to be legally blind. He's played by Michael Bowen, who also played Tommy, the asshole boyfriend who gets upstaged by Nicholas Cage in Valley Girl, which is the quintessential 80s movie about life, love and big honkin' earrings in Southern California. It's got Deborah Foreman in it, who is, like, totally bodacious, and she falls for Nick Cage, who is this radical punker, and... oh crap, I was supposed to be reviewing "Surekill," wasn't I? Damn attention keeps wandering on this one...

Doggett. Well. You try to think of something clever.

The other brother is named Randall, and he's mentally challenged, but who cares, because he has X-Ray Vision!! He's played by Patrick Kilpatrick, who, aside from having a name that automatically causes a mental double take, was also one of the bad guys in The Toxic Avenger, which is a classic -movie dealing with a nerd named Melvin who gets dunked in a vat of toxic waste by some bullies at the health club and then turns into a hulking aven... damn, there I go again... can't seem to pay attention to this slice of tedium.

So it turns out Randall is a sniper who always hits his target, being that he doesn't have to worry about seeing through walls or anything. And he and Dwight have been using this in order to, well, in order to kill a lot of people and steal a whole bunch of money. And that's about it for plot. The idea that Randall got extra special vision because Dwight got gypped in that department is one of the most lamely asserted, half-assed explanations in recent X-Files history (but now, in episodes like "Badlaa," they're not even bothering with explanations at all) not to mention the fact that the impact and trajectory of bullets tend to change when they pass through concrete walls. And the plot itself seems like nothing more than a rehashed detective show with only the X-Ray Vision bit thrown in for the vaguest hint of the paranormal.

Yeesh -- I don't need X-Ray Vision to see through this flimsy garbage.

-- David Rosiak

The X-Files airs at 9pm EST/8pm MNT, Sundays on FOX.

We welcome your comments on The 11th Hour and this review. Please send letters to: letters@the11thhour.com

< Previous Review | Next Review >