Clothes Maketh The Fan
Sure, the show is great -- but what are they wearing?
      by Rachel Hyland

I don't know about you ('cause odds are we've never met), but, me, I like clothes. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're my raison d'etre, but clothes, in their infinite variety and wonder, are certainly a big part of my vida loca.

Sex appeal, thy name is Freddy.

As is genre. I, like many among us, watch far more than the Recommended Daily Intake of genre television (not a bad thing, I hasten to add. Who decided on those recommendations, anyway?) and part of the reason I do so, I must confess, is 'cause of the wardrobes. Not a big part -- like the acting, the dialogue, the plots, or the sex -- but I can't deny that for me, at times, it's all about the clothes.

And it's always been that way. C'mon. Which of us didn't have a favourite Starfleet uniform? Who didn't shake their head over Samantha's less-than-Bewitching addiction to lime green? And, hey, Velma may have been the brains of the Scooby Doo outfit, but that in no way, as far as any right-thinking viewer could be concerned, mitigated against the dowdiness of her outfit. The fact that Freddy, orange cravat and all, was better dressed than she was should have told her something. And as for that Shaggy...

Well. Cartoons aside, the point is that for most of us -- you'll note that I've decided I can speak for you after all -- the outward appearance of our favourite characters gives them a lot of their appeal. What would Angel be without the shade black? What would Scully be without those gorgeous (and expensive) suits? What would those girls from Charmed be without their copy of The Spelling Look? Let's not find out. It is the clothes that give us a sense of who these people are, how cool they're supposed to be, how geeky. And it also tells us about their emotions, their state of mind, their past...

Don't believe me? Think I'm reading all too much into the random combination of fabrics and dyes? Well, read on, and be dazzled by some truly awe-inspiring leaps of logic.

Take, for example, the folks in American Gothic. (An odd place to start, I grant you, but bear with me.) Sheriff Buck (Gary Cole) was, as we all pretty much knew, The Devil. And yet did he get about the place in your basic midnight black, displaying to the world his essential evilness and complete bastard-hood? No. He was far too clever for that. Instead the man disarmed us by wearing a blue shirt and a brown vest (almost to the exclusion of anything else) and thus displayed that he was a cunning, insidious-type devil, rather than the blatant, "Give me your soul" Satan we've all come to know and love (er... you know, in a good, non-Satanic way.) His arch-nemesis, the ghost Merlyn, meanwhile, was always glowy in her pretty, frilly dress -- which showed us that, if nothing else, God loves Laura Ashley.

The dignified Admiral Al with his leaping buddy, Sam.

Then we move on to Lois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman. (Why? 'Cause I can.) Lois' suits showed a whole lot of impressive cleavage (proving to all that you can take the girl out of the Seinfeld episode but you can't take the Seinfeld episode out of the girl), but it was Clark's ties that really caught the fan imagination. The variety of these ties have even been documented online, and they were almost a symbol for the whole series. Here was the Man of Steel, and yet, to live within the confines of judgmental, Metropolisian society, he had to hide that power behind the confines of corporate America. Makes you think, doesn't it? It doesn't? How come?

Also making us think (well, okay, making me think) was Quantum Leap, in the form of guide Al, who showed us that just 'cause a guy's in the military doesn't mean he can't dress like he's in the circus. Hercules: The Legendary Journeys illustrated just how icky it must have been to have lived before washing machines (while on a quest to protect the innocent) and to wear the same clothes day in and day out. The fact that these clothes showed off an admittedly impressive Kevin Sorbo chest made up for that, though. The short-lived, and not-much-missed, Earth 2 also had their characters in the same clothes repeatedly -- and how leader Devon Adair's (Deborah Farentino) white shirt managed to keep its brightness throughout months of trekking through alien terrain is a mystery I hope future washing powder technology will be able to explain.

David Boreanaz as Angel: Leather never looked so good.

And then there's Buffy. Despite the occasional fashion disaster and the prolific use of overalls, there is nowhere on television where more attractive, and character-specific, clothing can be found. There's Giles, he of the tweed (which, of course, disappeared recently to signify his new carefree existence.) Oz's vintage bowling shirts (showing his coolness), Xander's sweaters (showing his apparent lack thereof), Angel's leather pants (yay for evil!), and as for Buffy herself: well, that there is some style. And then there are the buff young men in The Initiative. While we may have all disliked Professor Walsh with a passion unequaled since that dull Kendra was around, you gotta admit that the woman had those boys in some very drool-worthy camouflage gear. I'm just glad she made them stop wearing all of that face-concealing coverage after we found out just who those mysterious guys were. That was fortuitous, huh?

Which brings us neatly to one of the greatest contributions genre television fashion has made. Uniforms! Whether it's those Star Trek colour-coded ensembles, or those sleek First Wave black jumpsuits, or the opportunity to see Rodney Rowland in dress blues on Space: Above and Beyond, uniforms are at the very heart of Science Fiction. And they not only identify the characters to us -- see that uniform? Must be one of our guys -- but they also lend themselves to easy reproduction. That's right! With just a trip to the fabric store and a sewing machine, you too can be a member of Earthforce, or Starfleet, or even the Stormtroopers. Delight your family! Amaze your friends! Get out of jury duty! Go to a Convention and fit right in! Become a member of SG1 and go through the Stargate. Be an officer on SeaQuest, be in Space: 1999, be an Adama of Battlestar Galactica...

Oh, now, don't mock. Granted, to those of us who have never gone the full Klingon, it may seem a little -- well, hopeless and pathetic. But before you -- before anyone -- gains the right to pass judgment on the more demonstrative and enthusiastic amongst us, you must first answer me my questions three...

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