Clothes Maketh The Fan
Sure, the show is great -- but what are they wearing?
      by Rachel Hyland

A favourite Star Trek uniform, modeled by the cast of The Next Generation.

Raise your hand if you've ever worn a piece of clothing with a character or logo from your favourite show on it (and yes, those Smurf underpants you wore as a child count.) Raise your hand if you currently own any such clothing (though if they're Smurf underpants, keep that to yourself.) Further raise your hand if you're wearing something of the kind right now (bearing in mind what I said before about the Smurf underpants.) Right, do we all have our hands in the air? Yes, of course we do. From Halloween costumes of Wonder Woman and Freddy Kreuger, to Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, to latex ensembles resembling those worn by Keanu in The Matrix (the purpose of which I'd rather not know, thanks), it is difficult, today, to be without some kind of licenced-seeming clothing product. In an age when parents can buy Elmo T-shirts for their pre-schoolers that high schoolers also wear, and when you see five year-olds sporting capri pants and platform sandals, it's only a matter of time until even the most staunchly uncommercial of us succumbs.

Whether we walk around with David Boreanaz's face emblazoned on our chest (ooh, now there's a fun mental picture), the U.S.S. Voyager or the words Oh my God! They killed Kenny!, we are all announcing to the world our proclivities (in the nicest possible sense of that word), and showing our resounding support for the shows we love. Even if it's a subtle B5 logo on a cap, a "Trust No One" pin or a silver claddagh ring, we all, at some point, have advertised to the world our feelings for a particular series, character -- or even plot development. From your Spiderman T-shirt that you wore as a kid to the Spiderman T-Shirt you'll be bound to buy when the movie comes out, these shows, these characters that we admire, are bound to have an impact on what we wear and how we want to look... and how we don't.

Donut-head.

Is there a girl in the world who does not know how extremely unattractive coils of plaits on each side of the head are? (Thank you, Carrie Fisher!) Or how crimping is a bad, bad thing? (So stop it, Buffy!) Or how bleach can do wonders for the head of a high-cheekboned undead English guy... sorry, I distracted myself there. What I was getting at was that we can learn from the mistakes of those we watch as much as we can emulate those things that they get right. (I, for one, will never wear a breast plate and short leather skirt while wandering through the forests of Ancient Greece -- but that's just me.) And the ideas of fashion that are proposed in shows about the future (the silver suits we're all supposed to be wearing by now, the Roddenberry-ish navel baring, the sensible hair-cuts), they give us an idea of what to resist, should they ever try and worm their way into our stores. Are those thigh-high golden boots I see in that window? Get them away! Get them away!

The well-dressed cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

There are times, of course, when the fashion of a show will take on a life of its own (occasionally against the will of the gods), and will succeed even amongst those who have never seen an episode of the series that spawned it. It seems you can't go to a club or a gig these days without encountering a cadre of young girls in short skirts, high heels, and tank tops with their bra-straps showing -- and it seems doubtful they're all watching Buffy. Mutant Enemy really should have patented that look, though -- they'd have made a fortune.

All too aware of this missed opportunity, Fox Consumer Products launched a Buffy clothing line in 1998, featuring Buffy's signature tight pants, skirts, hooded jackets and slips. While the line has received little exposure -- and is not even available, as yet, at the store of the official Buffy website -- it is a sign that hip, demographically high-rating shows, have more to offer your average licensee than bookmarks and trading cards. These are clothes that don't necessarily scream Buffy -- well, the "B" has already been claimed by Barbie -- but that say Buffy primarily in their attitude. There may even be plans for Buffy Prom dresses (will they be like that Vera Wang? Well, a girl can dream), which raises an interesting issue. What if every girl in your class came to your Prom in a Buffy dress? Would that be a fashion faux pas, or just a sign that everyone has really good taste in TV?

While that inevitable evening of avoiding all the other girls at the dance may have to wait, however, there are plenty other Buffy items for sale at a webstore near you. And Angel items. And Charmed items (tell me Charmed won't get it's own line of clothes!) And clothing bearing the brand of Star Trek, Babylon 5, X-Files, Seven Days, South Park, The Smurfs... (Well, I don't know for sure about the Smurf thing. I just have a unhealthy fascination with the word "Smurf," okay? It's, like, Smurfy. Plus, how cool were Smurfette's shoes?)

Does this then mean that we, as genre fans, are incapable of individual style? That we exist only to swear allegiance to the United Federation of Planets while wearing our authentic communicator badges, or declare independence from Earth by donning the very cool black Babylon 5 renegade uniform, or even detect disturbances in the Force whilst modeling the very latest in Jedi hessian? When we go bad, must we always slip into leather, and when we're happy, must we only dress in pastel? Well, no. I don't know about you... oh, who am I kidding? Yes I do! Fact is, we can go days, even weeks, without showing off our ponchos, or our Dr. Who style long scarves -- or even our bra straps.

We love that Mulder looks so good in a suit (he really, really does), and that Now and Again's Eric Close can pull off that leather jacket so very well. We adore Willow's shawls and we envy the body that can carry off Seven of Nine's figure-hugging catsuit... but there is a limit to how far we'll go. And while the characters we love often have the looks we want, we are, at times, content to let them keep those looks to themselves.

Until we need to get out of jury duty, that is.

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