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Life After Superpowers
What happens to our heroes once the magic is gone?
by Rachel Hyland
It's hard to be a superhero. Sure, it has its perks. The flying for one. But it's not all ray-vision, lightning reflexes and cloaks of invisibility. There's bad. Plenty of bad. All that world-saving, for a start, cutting in on the social life. There's the hiding of the special powers, with as much diligence as though hiding 'N Sync albums from public display. And, of course, there's always that pesky sexual tension with the sidekick. Happens every time.
Whether they're born with their powers, got them as a result of Earth's gravity or just 'cause they were clumsy enough to get caught in a scientific accident (which seems to occur more often than you'd think), the defenders of the innocent and the saviours of worlds have a hard job of it. Of course, things can get even worse once the party's over. Humanity, fickle, fickle humanity, sometimes dares forget the contributions of those legends of the time that made the planet's continuing survival possible. And what is there for a superstar do when the world's holding out for a new hero?
Let us observe what happened to these former champions of freedom, truth and the genre way...
| 1. Captain Apollo -- Battlestar Galactica (1978 - 1979) |
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Backstory: Betrayed by one of their own in a bid to sign a peace treaty with the dread Cylons, Apollo and his merry troupe of survivors struck out for the 13th Colony (Earth, obviously), searching for sanctuary and allies. Along the way they fought evil and tried to escape the clutches of the evil, evil cyborg creatures that sought to exterminate all humanity in their inimitably evil way. 'Cause they were evil.
Superpowers: Uh... well, he had these super reflexes that made him some kind of ace pilot or something. And the way each strand of his hair stayed in place was a spectacular feat in itself.
Played by: Richard Hatch
Not to be confused with the famed "deceptionist" Richard Hatch, this guy is the one, the only, Captain Apollo. In an effort to put his Battlestar Galactica days behind him, however, Hatch has spent his time since the short-lived series' demise in authoring (with Buffy scribe Christopher Golden, no less) three Battlestar Galactica books, giving lecture tours (guiding others along the Battlestar Galactica path to self-fulfillment), and producing trailers to try and promote a new Battlestar Galactica film. Good to see he's moved on. The information provided on his official website regarding his current life is scary in its attention to detail, but the Store, sorry to say, is a great disappointment. It seems that, due to stock-taking, there are not currently any personally signed photographs of Hatch available for purchase. Damn it all.
Genre Role Reprises: The self-produced Battlestar Galactica: The Second Coming. A modest title indeed.
Other Genre Stuff: Prisoners of the Lost Universe (best not to ask), Iron Thunder (again, don't ask), Dynasty.
Recent Sightings: Er... that anyone actually saw? Perhaps his stint on Santa Barbara in 1984.
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| 2. Bionic Woman -- Bionic Woman, (1976 - 1978) |
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Backstory: Injured in a freak sky-diving accident with fiancé The Six Million Dollar Man, tennis-pro Jaime Sommers' life hung in the balance. Six pulled some strings and got her refitted with all-new parts, but she, ungrateful wench, didn't even remember him once she was roadworthy again. Thus, she became a spy.
Superpowers: Bionic legs, bionic right arm, bionic ear. And she's a woman. So, she's well-named, then.
Played by: Lindsay Wagner
After her star turn as Jaime, Lindsay took on the many and varied roles as woman-next-door single mother, doctor-with-a-heart-of-gold, and other such time-honoured characters. Her starring-role in the early eighties TV series Jessie led to its almost immediate cancellation, but when she was given the starring role in the late-eighties TV series Peaceable Kingdom she made up for this by helping it do... exactly the same. Though that could well have been the fault of Dan Ackroyd. Lindsay is most gainfully employed today, however, by playing the tortured mother or the suffering wife in just about every heart-wrenching "True Story" TV movie not starring Jaclyn Smith -- including but not limited to what Letterman calls those "Hey! Where the hell are my kids?" flicks. And a fine job she does of it, too.
Genre Role Reprises: Return of The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman, the actually longer-entitled Bionic Showdown: The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman, and the truly moving Bionic Ever After?
Other Genre Stuff: Danielle Steel's Once in a Lifetime... what?
Recent Sightings: An infomercial or two.
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| 3. The Flash -- The Flash, (1990 - 1991) |
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Backstory: There was this experiment, see, and it went awry (as all such experiments must) and turned amiable police science guy Barry Allen into the super-speedy Flash. In his insulated suit and with that aid of attractive British know-it-all Dr. Tina, The Flash runs around the place really, really, really fast... and that's about it, really.
Superpowers: Runs really, really, really fast.
Played by: John Wesley Shipp
Following his stint as Central City's last best hope, John went straight into films and played Bastian's Dad in Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter. (In which Bastian was played by a young Jonathan Brandis... definitely not a good enough reason to watch it.) He followed this up with a roles as impending father Dennis in the Rue McLanahan vehicle Baby of the Bride (which, astonishingly enough, was directed by Bruce Banner himself, Bill Bixby), and then he appeared in the long-running soap, All My Children. Are we detecting a theme here? The TV movie Road Rage, in which he starred with Baywatch's Yasmine Bleeth (and Alana Austin, who played, you guessed it, his daughter), is his post-Scarlet Suit crowning achievement to date, but the upcoming Second To Die, in which he stars with Baywatch's Erika Eleniak (no word on who plays his child) could even surpass that in quality. Huh. Perhaps not.
Genre Role Reprises: The Flash II: Revenge of The Trickster, and The Flash III: Deadly Nightshade (though, to be fair, these straight-to-video movies were originally episodes of the show.) The Trickster, incidentally, was played by Mark Hamill. A portent. Definitely a portent.
Other Genre Stuff: As previously mentioned, Never Ending Story II: The Next Chapter. Hey, at least it wasn't Never Ending Story III.
Recent Sightings: He's Dawson's Dad. That is all.
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| 4. The Greatest American Hero -- The Greatest American Hero, (1981 - 1983) |
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Played by: William Katt
Backstory: Teacher Ralph Hinkley is driving one day when he finds himself in the desert being given a strange suit by some aliens. Don't you hate when that happens? He then proceeds to lose the instruction manual, and hijinx ensue as he attempts to kick Commie butt and make America safe for democracy, free speech and for guys to wear red suits and capes in public.
Superpowers: Alien suit (directions unknown) enables him to fly and stuff. Obviously a cheap Kryptonian knock-off, probably produced in a sweatshop on Alpha Centauri Prime. And is he ashamed?
"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air..." went the theme song, and ever since he never thought he could feel so freee-eee-eee, William Katt has had a steady supply of work, and is quite a recognisable face. From his convincing likability as detective Paul Drake Junior in about a thousand of those daytime staple Perry Mason movies (in which he wore some of the scariest denim ever to grace the TV screen), to his chilling portrayal of another Paul (this one Carson) in the outstanding Models Inc., Katt's career has gone from strength to strength. And that's not even mentioning his participation in that great and glorious documentary, 1997's Mother Teresa: In the Name of God's Poor. Oh, yeah. Put him up for Sainthood!
Genre Role Reprises: None. None?
Other Genre Stuff: Carrie, Baby... Secret of the Lost Legend, Pirahna Cyborg 3: The Recycler. It just gets better and better!
Recent Sightings: The Rage: Carrie 2, in flashbacks, and the Rose McGowan disaster Jawbreaker.
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| 5. Hercules -- Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1994 - 1999) |
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Backstory: He's the son of Zeus, baby!
Superpowers: He's like, godly. All extra-strong and invulnerable, and way less of a murderer and rapist than the original.
Played by: Kevin Sorbo
As his cinematic outing Kull the Conqueror proved amply, Sorbo is the long-lost protégé Arnold never knew he had. Big Kev's "acting" made even Tia Carerre look like a Barrymore -- but did you see that chest? And now with godling Hercules happily saving the world without the intrusion of the camera's prying eye, Sorbo is finally free to cast off the shackles of his heroic past... and be typecast as the big hero in other productions. Next stop: Conan XVIII: This Time With Feeling.
Genre Role Reprises: Hercules and Xena - The Animated Movie: The Battle for Mount Olympus. He played his own voice, and he was just about the best damn voice of his ever!
Other Genre Stuff: Kull the Conqueror (sorry to bring that up again), and the upcoming Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda.
Recent Sightings: There was that... er... um... he's resting up, okay?
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| 6. Jeannie -- I Dream of Jeannie (1965 -- 1970) |
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Backstory: Imprisoned in a bottle for ages, Jeannie (a genie) is discovered washed up on a beach by astronaut Anthony Nelson, and decides to become his slave. In a good, G-rated way.
Superpowers: Your basic wish-fulfillment -- as facilitated by the blonde ponytail on her head and an idiotic-looking nod -- but since Major Nelson's dearest wish, half the time, was to get rid of her, she can't have been very good at it.
Played by: Barbara Eden
Since her Jeannie days, Barbara has been a regular on the TV movie circuit, crying skillfully and playing terrorised housewives with consummate skill. While she was the cornerstone of more than one failed drama series in the eighties, it is for her role in that decade's The Stepford Children that she will be best remembered by many. Her wardrobe in that film was award-winningly god-awful -- the woman deserved to have her kids replaced by robots! Barbara's pre-Jeannie career was illustrious and varied, but while she may have played the Marilyn Monroe role of Loco in the 50's series Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire, these days she gets less exposure than Darva. (Of course, who doesn't?)
Genre Role Reprises: I Dream of Jeannie: 15 Years Later and I Still Dream of Jeannie. That last one sucked. They changed time so that Major Nelson never even knew who she was! That was so wrong.
Other Genre Stuff: The Stepford Children. and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Not in that order, obviously.
Recent Sightings: Movies of the Week ad nauseum and an uncredited cameo as Jeannie in A Very Brady Sequel.
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| 7. Alex Mack -- The Secret World of Alex Mack (1994 - 1998) |
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Backstory: Another proud graduate of the "result of a chemical accident" superhero school, teenager Alex was doused with icky chemical compound SG-1, or something, and suddenly found that her first day at Junior High was the least of her problems...
Superpowers: Turning to goo, telepathy, Emperor-style finger zapping abilities. Telekinesis also a plus, especially in P.E.
Played by: Larisa Olneyik
A relative newcomer to the acting world, Larisa took Nickelodeon by storm with her accurate depiction of a tortured young teen (who happened to be a freak) in The Secret World of Alex Mack. Since the end of that show, Larisa has not been short of work, but it is the promised film 100 Girls (which increasingly numerical choice of project makes one wonder if Larisa's next destination is Beverly Hills, 90210) that will feature her in the coveted role of Wendy, the Girl Next Door. Which she will undoubtedly play well -- and even more so if the extended name for her character is Wendy the Girl Next Door Who's a Freak.
Role Reprises: None. Yet. But wait for The Secret World of Alex Mack: Not So Secret Anymore, coming to Nick at Nite, Fall 2015.
Other Genre Stuff: 3rd Rock from the Sun.
Recent Sightings: She was Dawn, every girls' favourite California stereotype, in The Babysitters Club Movie, and she most recently played popular Bianca in the Heath Ledger-laden Shakespearean teen flick 10 Things I Hate About You. Also starring was her 3rd Rock co-star, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Odd.
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| 8. Pink Power Ranger -- Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (1993 - 1995) |
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Backstory: A bunch of kids in colour-coded ensembles are recruited by the omniscient floating head Zordon to save the world -- through the conduit of their town, Angel Grove -- from the evil Rita and her terrifyingly fake-looking minions. Why suburban Angel Grove absolutely had to be conquered before the rest of the world could be taken over is a mystery that ranks up there with Shredder's fixation on the Turtles' city and Kaos' determination to outfox Maxwell Smart.
Superpowers: Outstanding martial arts skill, extreme agility, control of a big dinosaur machine thing, and an amazing ability to wear pink every single day of her life.
Played by: Amy Jo Johnson
When The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers first maddened the world's children with a burning desire to own their action figures, slight Amy Jo was a complete unknown. Now, as the Pink Power Ranger, she is at least well known by a certain (quite sad) portion of the population, but that is not necessarily a good thing. Her roles post-Zord have been somewhat meager -- though she is a familiar face on the WB -- but with the kind of acting diversity she showed while repeated yelling "Pterodactyl," that situation is bound to change for her very soon.
Role Reprises: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Really.
Other Genre Stuff: Vamp-fest Cold Hearts. Watch it. She also played Screech's girlfriend in an episode of Saved by the Bell: The New Class, which is genre for the sheer ickiness of the concept.
Recent Sightings: She's best-friend Julie in Felicity. Go, go WB teen-drama!
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| 09. Mr. Spock -- Star Trek (1967 - 1969) |
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Backstory: Offspring of the first human/Vulcan cross-breeding experiment, Spock retained many of the aspects of the Vulcan species and embraced the concept of logic above emotion. As first officer of the USS Enterprise under James T. Kirk, Spock had ample opportunity to demonstrate these inherent traits and show up the pathetic humans in his immediate circle.
Superpowers: Enhanced hearing and strength, an eidetic memory, mathematical genius, and that cool nerve pinch thing, of course. Plus, the logic. Always the logic.
As anyone who looks at him inevitably sees the venerable Mr. Spock, it is perhaps best that Nimoy has chosen to do quite a bit of voice work over the course of his post-Trek career. With voice credits in Transformers: The Movie, The Pagemaster and Sinbad: Beyond the Veil of Mists, as well as Narration for Armageddon: Target Earth and its ilk, it might be easy to let Nimoy's physical work go unnoticed. Also wise. Unlike the rest of the Star Trek cast, meanwhile, Nimoy has yet to pen a Science Fiction book, but his two autobiographies, the mutually contradictory I Am Not Spock and, okay, I Am Spock, could easily qualify. The world is awaiting with bated breath a further companion tome, I Am Not A Transformer.
Genre Role Reprises: Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Unification," Trekkies and a bunch of Trek video games. Oh, and about a million self-referential cameos.
Other Genre Stuff: Oh, everything that he does. Including David, the 1997 biblical bio-pic, in which he played Samuel.
Recent Sightings: Playing Himself in The Simpsons, Futurama, Duckman and even Muppets Tonight.
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| 10. Superman -- Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (1993 - 1997) |
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Backstory: Landing on Earth after a journey through endless space in his baby-capsule, Supes is adopted by the kindly and felonious Kents of Iowa. As he grows older his super powers become evident, and he eventually discovers that he is an alien from the planet Krypton and that Justine Bateman is destined to come out of obscurity to be his bride...
Superpowers: Well, he's super! He flies, has X-ray vision, enhanced hearing, freeze-breath and he can do this cool heat thing with his eyes. He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap... okay. You probably know all of this, huh?
Played by: Dean Cain
Dean, Dean, Dean. Ripley's Believe it Or Not? What? A show in which you don't even have the opportunity to take your shirt off? What were you thinking, man? We can only hope that your three upcoming films will be keep you from such foolishness in the future. With the action movie Militia, the sci-fi flick For The Cause and the drama The Broken Hearts Club all slated for release in 2000, you're bound to become a big(ger) star and not have to tell tales of idiocy and rampant fabrication anymore. Oooh. Can't wait.
Role Reprises: None -- and there won't be until they can work out a way to have Lois and Clark get un-married.
Other Genre Stuff: Futuresport (in which what the hell did Wesley Snipes think he was doing?), and, yes, host of Ripley's Believe it or Not (choose not.)
Recent Sightings: The aforementioned. Sadly.
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| 11. Wonder Woman -- The New Original Wonder Woman (1975) |
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Backstory: A daughter of the Amazons, Princess Diana left her secret home on utopian, chick-ridden Paradise Island to help fight off the Nazi menace during WWII. Enlisting as Yeoman Diana Prince, she became Wonder Woman at any opportunity, and used her feminine wiles to put a stop to the silly human war.
Superpowers: Mostly accessory-based. Golden, bullet-repelling wrist cuffs, a golden truth-compelling lasso, and an invisible plane ('cause a woman flying around the world while sitting down is way less conspicuous.) Great boots, too. Plus she, unlike the Amazons of myth, did not have one breast chopped off to facilitate easier archery. Which, considering the all-revealing costume she had to wear, is a very good thing.
Played by: Lynda Carter
Since her halcyon days as the scantily-clad Wonder Woman, Lynda -- or Linda as she is often credited -- has made a name for herself as a lead actress. Starring in such classic pieces of cinema as 1981's Born to be Sold and her 1996 quartet of quality, She Woke Up Pregnant, When Friendship Kills, Jack Reed: Death and Vengeance and Shadow Zone: The Undead Express, L-ynda (-inda) has shown that she doesn't need the lasso to get by.
Genre Role Reprises: Wonder Woman, the modernised, re-networked, and far more camp version, aired from 1976 - 1979.
Other Genre Stuff: An episode of The Muppet Show. Could not be cooler.
Recent Sightings: A small part in a TV drama and an appearance as herself in an episode of the sitcom Work With Me. Oh, for a Paradise Island of our own!
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