The X-Files
"all things"

Airdate: April 9, 1999

Now if you were Scully, would you date him...

I have absolutely no idea what to make of "all things", the episode ostensibly written and directed by X-Files star Gillian Anderson. All I know is that I really want E! to get moving on that True Hollywood Story: The X-Files, because I have a feeling there is more behind-the-scenes intrigue in this one series than in their Gilligan's Island, Facts of Life and Brady Bunch exposés combined (and hey, that's saying something.) More so than any other episode in recent memory, "all things" stands as tantamount to the fact that the true course of The X-Files does not appear to run smooth.

Perhaps I'm simply reading too much into this, but... an episode, written and directed by Anderson, in which Scully (played by Gillian Anderson) shows profound regret for what she has done over the past ten years and wonders what other, better future could have awaited her? Where she reunites with an old lover who bears a striking resemblance to Chris Carter with a mustache? Where she listens to a trippy song over and over that sounds like David Duchovny doing one of those Sprint commercials? Where the first scene allows us to believe that Scully has slept with Mulder (she hasn't, of course, since nothing fun ever happens on this series in a non-sweeps month) and the following scene contains a monologue just smacking of Carterian pretension? How, seven years into the series, could I not begin to wonder if some real-life backstory worked its way into the show?

...or him? We thought so.

The only problem is that none of it made any sense whatsoever. I mean this not only in the sense of the actual plot and continuity of the episode itself, but any (probably inappropriate) evaluations one would make about the basis "all things" has in reality.

I interviewed X-Files director Kim Manners way back in January, when news of Anderson's episode was first appearing. "It's very much from her heart," he told me, and from the basic plot of the show -- Scully struggles with the knowledge that her life could have run an entirely different, and possibly happier, course -- I believe it. (In short, the plot of the episode has Scully visiting her old med school professor who she once had an affair with, and wondering what could have been. She then experiences some sort of spiritual revelation... or something.) And there were certain moments in the episode -- oh, say, the Catholic agent's encounter with Buddhist meditation -- that seemed way more Anderson than Scully. But then there was that opening monologue, which, in its abundance of multi-syllabic words and utterly nonsensical meaning, is completely incongruous with the rest of the episode, and therefore reeks of Carter rewrite. I'm just curious what else has been handled by him. Like, say, in the casting department... ewwww...

"Stay... staaaay... good corpse!"

So, basically, I don't know how to evaluate Anderson's efforts on The X-Files, because not only am I unsure they are her own, but this was the most un-X-Files X-File ever. "all things" was pure soap opera, an attempt at jazzing up Scully's background and giving her a more sensual side. And at points the episode became very intriguing -- in fact, much of it was downright compelling. The plot moved along nicely, the dialogue was decent, but more than that, it was so incredibly wrong, such an abrupt departure in continuity and characterization, such an upfront vanity project for Anderson... it was really something. There was hardly anything paranormal in the episode (except for some tacked-on plot involving Mulder investigating crop circles, which I could have done without) and the Scully-visits-dying-ex-lover storyline is pure, sappy romance. Was it interesting? Of course. Was it a good X-Files episode? Not really. But then again, these days I don't have cause to be picky. If it keeps me awake before The Practice comes on at ten, I'm there.

And "all things" did keep me awake. How could it not, when background noises, symbolizing the rhythmic passing of time, keep thumping and ringing and beeping and... oh, Lord, make them stop. Anderson appears to be a skilled director visually, but she needs to learn a thing or two about sound. "all things" made my head hurt. She also could stand to be a bit more creative with the casting (although, judging from that Carter lookalike, I have a feeling this wasn't her terrain) and not hire the same chick from "Detour" to play the daughter of her dying lover/ex-professor/homewrecker.

The best aspect of "all things" is undoubtedly Anderson's performance. Anderson should never quit her day job -- not because her episode was so awful (it would have been fine for a show other than The X-Files) but because she's got too much acting talent to waste. And it was just nice to see an episode with so much Scully in it -- okay, so it was Scully wandering aimlessly and Scully experiencing weird visions of naked guys, but it was still Scully. I love David Duchovny (and after seeing Return to Me I'm loving him in that old first and second-season way again) but enough's enough. Whatever the faults of "all things" may be, it was great to see our other favorite agent finally get some screen time.

-- Sarah Kendzior

The X-Files airs at 9pm EST, Sundays on Fox.

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