Gladiator
Honor! Glory! Revenge! Russell Crowe in leather!

"No, damn you, I'm the sexiest gladiator!"

Normally when I'm writing a review, I try to stay as far away from press or criticism about that movie as possible, but for Gladiator I have to make an exception. Following last weekend's massive intake of $32 million -- high for any film, but particular notable considering Gladiator's R rating -- analysts found themselves pondering what, exactly, had led to this enormous box office gross. After a glance at the demographics, they noticed that an unusually large number of woman had turned out for the film, which had been previously referred to by one critic as "something young men across American awaited as fervently as the Superbowl." Seeing the facts as such, the analysts concluded that women were drawn to the film due to its -- oh help me -- emotional resonance and touching storyline. To which I say:

Are you freakin' blind?

First of all, I have an immense problem with the assumption that historic epics, drawn-out battle scenes, or serious carnage lie in purely male turf. This is the same insipid argument that leads many to be continually startled at the 11th Hour masthead. Women like a good, bloody story well told as much as anyone. That said...Russell Crowe in leather. Or, shall, I put it, Djimon Honsou in chainmail. And then, of course, there's five hundred other hot guys clad in Roman attire beating each other up. Emotional resonance my ass -- we all know why women turned out in droves for Gladiator, although the fact that it's a fairly spectacular movie may have helped too.

"From here on, you shall be a slave, until I sell you to this web magazine called The 11th Hour, and then you shall be their slave, forever!" "Uh... okay."

Gladiator is the story of Maximus (Crowe), a soldier who became a slave, a slave who became an gladiator, a gladiator who defied an empire. As one may assume from such a course of events, Maximus spends much of Gladiator learning that anger (of Emperor Joaquin Phoenix) leads to hate (of Maximus), hate leads to suffering (of Roman-owned slaves), and suffering leads to some really kick-ass battle sequences. The Star Wars analogy doesn't just extend to catchy dialogue; Gladiator, though beautifully filmed, sharply written, and extraordinarily acted, often does not delve as deeply into the storyline as it could have. This is not as great a complaint as it may seem -- at roughly two and a half hours, Gladiator feels like about ten minutes, and I only wish it had been longer so that it could have explored further the intriguing characters and premises it introduced.

Most intriguing, in oh so many ways, is Russell Crowe, who plays the title character of this ancient Roman epic. A loyal and brave soldier under Emperor Marcus Aurelius, Maximus asked by the aging emperor to lead following his death, but rejects the offer due to his aversion to politics. Crowe's Maximus is in many ways a throwback to strong, silent heroes of the cinematic past; brooding and subdued, he scowls his way through his eventual imprisonment under Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix), Marcus's son who would rather kill his own father than allow Maximus to rule over Rome. Angered that Marcus would rather appoint Maximus as heir than his own flesh and blood, Commodus murders Maximus's family. Exiled from Rome, Maximus becomes a slave.

Mmmm... ancient Rome.

He also, as we all know, becomes a gladiator, and it is here that the movie gets interesting. Maximus is purchased by Proximo, a man best described as the Vince McMahon of ancient Rome. Proximo, wonderfully portrayed by the late Oliver Reed, oversees the men who fight each other to the death for the amusement of the masses. Maximus, a skilled warrior, proves equally invincible in the ring, but what makes Gladiator so enthralling is the sense that, despite his outward reluctance, he seems to enjoy it. More than a straightforward historical drama, Gladiator is a film about celebrity and the power to move a crowd. Stripped of his honor, his dignity and his pride, Maximus regains control of his life, ironically, as an object of public spectacle. Director Ridley Scott is best when portraying the battles in the Coliseum; as severed heads fly, tigers pounce, and Crowe (with costars Honsou and David Schofield) continually annihilates his opponents, we as the audience become as intensely caught up in the moment as our cheering onscreen counterparts.

In terms of performances, however, Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus is truly the highlight of Gladiator, upstaging even the leather-clad, ass-kicking Crowe. As the ruthless tyrant who really just wants to be loved, Phoenix has the best part in the movie, and he does wonders with it, making Commodus alternately sympathetic, irritating and amusing. Connie Nielsen, as Commodus's sister, completely redeems herself for Mission to Mars (not a feat to take lightly.) The greatest aspect of Gladiator, however, are the battle scenes; while the dramatic dialogue is often quite good, nothing really beats seeing the gladiators in action. With the uneasy notion that, to the ancient Romans, this life-or-death combat is mere recreation, Scott encourages us to become equally enthralled about the bloodshed and aggression -- until we realize that fatalities lie precariously close. Gladiator is about the lure of violence and the sway of the crowd, for better or for worse.

DROOL FACTOR: When it's Russell Crowe laying the smacketh down, I'd opt it's for the better. The hottest thing in movies this year since Vin Diesel (remember him?), Crowe, as the Stone Cold gladiator of ancient Rome, is truly a sight to behold. Djimon Honsou is pretty fine as well, and there are a zillion anonymous guys in chainmail and leather if those two don't do it for you.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: Lots and lots of bloody battle, just the way it should be.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Connie Nielsen as Lucilla actually has a pretty strong role; vacillating between her love for her dictatorial (and, unfortunately, incest-happy) brother and her lust for Crowe (hey, can you blame her?), she's definitely one of the most interesting chicks to appear in a genre film this year. Oh wait, you mean this isn't a gen -- never mind, too late.

-- Sarah Kendzior

Gladiator is now playing in theaters nationwide.

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