Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The fabled film that made me like Luke Perry.

1992 was a good year for me. On television, Glenn Quinn was running around in leather pants, swinging a sword about and riding big, manly horses on Covington Cross, which was the start of a beautiful fanship. And in the film world, I was being introduced to my geeker destiny by a film called Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Yeah, I know. Joss Whedon, creator of both the original Buffy film and the television series that followed, has said repeatedly that he didn't particularly like the movie. And that's just too bad for him, 'cause I consider the film to be one of the coolest of the '90s. In fact, when the TV show was first coming onto the air, I refused to watch it. "Surely," I told myself, "it can't be nearly as good as the movie. And Kristy Swanson isn't even in it!" I was later convinced by friends, concerned about my viewing habits, that the show could indeed be as good as the movie, and was actually better.

But I still love the film. It's not the Buffy that most fans of the TV series know and love. It's strange, it's quirky, it's got all those fun qualities, but there's less drama to it. It's a fun and fluffy Buffy without the heaping gobs of angst.

The film begins with an introduction to the Buffy (Kristy Swanson) we wish we didn't know: she's an idiotic airhead, and a cheerleader, and just the kind of girl I would've been sorely tempted to beat up for fun in high school. Things swiftly change for our hero, though, with the appearance of Merrick (Donald Sutherland), her Watcher, who's come to deliver a message about her destiny and train her as the Chosen One. Her opponent is Lothos (Rutger Hauer), an ancient master vampire, and her sole Scooby would be Pike (Luke Perry), a slacker love interest who helps her kill vampires in his own unique way, which is to say that he's not great at getting the job done.

Now, say what you will about this movie, but you've got to enjoy at least some of the elements. Rutger Hauer hams it up as a vamp who's simultaneously bad-ass and clichéd (mostly the latter), and his main henchman is of all people Paul Reubens, also known as Peewee Herman. The film's also got a great performance from David Arquette as Pike's bud Benny, and you can't help but love classic lines like, "Yes, but her yabos scoff at gravity," "Kill him a lot," and "Pike isn't a name, it's a fish," not to mention one of the basketball coach's very odd utterances, "Now what do we say on the court? Repeat after me: I am a person, I have the right to the ball."

Yeah, it's cheesy. It's goofy and weird and not exactly serious horror fare. But that's the appeal of it. Well, that and Luke Perry...

DROOL FACTOR: I get plenty of shit for liking Luke Perry in this movie, but I try to repress the 90210 days when I'm watching Buffy, because the guy is fully hot in this movie. S'pose David Arquette's not bad, either, if you're into the goofball thing.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: The violence in this flick is of the cheesy variety, and as far as grossing out goes, there really isn't any, unless ketchup makes you queasy.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: The chicks don't really come any stronger than Buffy, in any of her incarnations.

-- Lisa Kincaid

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is currently available on video, and on VHS with Spanish subtitles.

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