If, like me, remakes make you nauseous, I would suggest that you keep a barf bag nearby should you decide to rent Psycho. Trust me. I'm not just another one of those cinematic snobs that cursed and damned Van Sant to film buff hell (where I hear they play Chuck Norris flicks continuously and the concession stand doesn't let you have a free refill even when you buy the big ass bucket of popcorn) the first time they heard a rumor that this movie was being made. Exactly like the original. Shot for shot. Except in color and with a couple of poetic license instance thingies. I actually suffered through this entire movie before forming an opinion. And that opinion would be? "What was the point of remaking this movie again?"

Yeah. Yeah. It's in color. I get it, Gus. No need to ram it down my throat with psychedelic patterns and a gaudy color palette not seen since... since... uh... insert the title of your favorite black exploitation flick here and we'll call it even. Good God almighty! It was like the 60's and 70's threw up.

And who's bright idea was it to cast Vince Vaughn? Anthony Perkins had a little boy vulnerability that made you want to mother him, made you trust him, made you want to kiss it and make it all better (modern day equivalent: Rodney Rowland). Or is that just me? Anyway. After the first lunatic giggle that came out of Vaughn I don't care how tired I was, my butt would be back on the road and searching for a Motel 6 sign and pronto! Perkins gave Norman just a hint of instability, but Vaughn played it so broad that only a fool with a death wish would have stayed at the Bates Motel.

I'm no prude, but what was up with the overt sexual content in this version? I thought the whole point of Psycho was sexual repression. I mean first we have Mortensen displaying his ass for all the world to see, then we have sound effects for Vaughn spankin' the monkey and finally we get a glimpse at Norman's porno stash. Was that necessary? Obviously not if the original film had none of that and still managed to tell the same story with sufficient credibility. I guess that was one of those poetic license thingies, huh?

There were some high points though. William H. Macy. Anne Heche's acting but not her wardrobe or nail polish. Um... I think that was it.

DROOL FACTOR: Vince Vaughn? Ick. Viggo Mortensen? Yuck.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: The 'so gaudy it would make a Vegas Showgirl wince' color scheme and acid flashback inducing patterns used in every scene.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Julianne Moore tries. I can see her trying. Jeans. Thick soled boots. Walkman addiction. Too bad her attempt, like the rest of the movie, seems contrived.

Psycho is currently available on video.

-- Linda M. Najera