The Bronze Age
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your boardname.
      by Rachel Hyland

7. There will always be idiots.

Sheridan ponders the mystery of his duck.

What Bronzers call Chatlice, or Bezoars (but what most posting communities just call annoying), are the people who just don't seem to be paying attention. We've all seen posts like "i want nickie brendans ph number" or "Vin deisel is a TOTAL BABE!" which generally seem to have no real pertinence. Though the former is certainly a laudable goal, and the latter is self-evidently true, neither sentence really contributes anything to the board except to provoke contempt. Which is one of the reasons that Bronzers have evolved a "four posts per hour" rule, unless a VIP is posting. "It sounds harsh," says Allyson, "but it helps he board load quicker, and helps cut down inane chit-chat." 11th Hour's zero couldn't agree more. "The most frustrating thing about running a board," she says, and she runs three (including ours), "is when people are assholes. I tend to get a lot of people who think that just because they're online they don't have to have respect for anybody."

8. Choose your boardname carefully, for it will be yours for life

My posting name came out of the fact that there was already a rachel@hotmail when I first got on-line (who'd have thought it?), and the fact that I have cats whose initials I could appropriate. And you yawn, but really, many a boardname story is even less interesting. "Some use their name, uncreative twits," says Eiddileg, grinning. "People choose pseudonyms to hide who they are at first. There's safety in anonymity, you can post whatever you want without feeling as if someone's going to take you to task for it later. Sometimes I wonder if anyone I know is reading it, and if they can tell it's me..." Allyson really is Allyson's name... although "I used to write a 'zine under the pseudonym 'Chloe Cockring,'" she says. "There's a lot of reasons that people don't use their real names," zero adds (and even more reasons not to use "Chloe Cockring," I say.) "The first reason that comes to mind is like the folklore that if you know a demon's name, you wield a certain power over him... when you give people your real name online, you give them the means to track you down in your real life, or to take pot shots at you. In my case, it's not too hard to find my real name [author's note: especially not since I just told everybody], but I use 'zero' because in fandom circles, that's the name I'm known by. If I posted using my real name, not many people know that I was the same 'zero' that they've spoken to before."

9. Ya gotta know the territory.

So many people, when new to a fan community, neglect to learn the local, state and federal statutes of that place. "I highly recommend that people who are new to the Bronze just lurk for awhile, which isn't happening nearly enough lately," says Monique. "People can't realistically expect to just jump right in and understand everything. Newbies should almost always lurk and read the many newbie FAQs. That's what I did, and the knowledge I gained was invaluable." That is not just true for The Bronze. Most, probably all, Posting Boards have their own set of FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions) to explain what in the holy hell is going on, and they are certainly worth checking out, if only to avoid looking like a dick. And you should always check if you're allowed to use the word "dick."

10. Spoilers bad.

Ah, the vexing topic of just what does, or does not, constitute a "Spoiler." On most boards, a spoiler will be anything to do with an episode that is less than a week old, and, of course, the plots of any upcoming TV shows or movies. On others -- especially when there are many site visitors foreign to the US -- a spoiler will be anything that relates to the season still in progress in the most backward parts of the world (including mine.) So should you desire to post the information of Jarod's affair with a sheep in the finale of The Pretender, or the fact that The Lone Gunmen is going to be filmed ALL NUDE, make sure you include the relevant Spoiler Warnings. There are also PBs dedicated solely to Spoilers -- and, sadly, they actually say stuff like that. Enter at your own risk.

11. People are different in Real Life than they seem in their posts.

I'll take The Painfully Obvious for a hundred, Alex. "I attended a gathering of local Bronzers last summer for the first time," says Monique, "and I'm now very close to some of the people I met there. I'm still surprised when people don't appear the way I picture them. I guess I tend to view people who post very well as probably being rather intimidatingly gorgeous and put together in real life, when in reality, they're normal, approachable human beings." No kidding. "I have been to a PBP," says Eiddileg, of the famous Bronze gathering, "and to be honest, I hated it. I've been on the board over two years and I finally went to this years'. Awful. When you're trying to find people you've never seen before, dark lighting and loud music are not very conducive to one's sanity. I lost mine. Somewhere near the dip." Little Willow has had more positive experiences. "The PBPs are to meet the fans you've been chatting with online for months, years even," she explains. "To put faces with names. To have a nice party with friends. The PBPs aren't 'Meet the VIPs' events," she warns. "If someone wants an autographed photo, they can attend a signing at a comic book store, a TV convention, buy one off of eBay, write a fan letter." And Forever Knight fandom's Cousin Mary, fresh from her second annual fan meeting, had this to say: "I have good and bad stories. The first one was a blast, but shortly after it ended something bad happened that few people who went to the party even know about. The parties themselves were both great though, and we're campaigning next year for New Orleans." On that note, I'll just add that I have personally met two PB friends, and both are as cool as cool can be ('cause it's cold down in my basement).

Unfortunately, your chat partner probably isn't as devastatingly sexy as this bloke.

Everything that attracts a following, from Martha Stewart to The Smurfs to a brand of Jeep, has itself at least one Posting Board out on the web. 'Cause it's really a pretty scary place. But it is in the genre community that these meetings of the minds -- and the keyboards -- really show themselves at their best. And that is because through the philosophical discussion, and the moral rumination, and the Angel-worshipping communion, genre fans learn not only what it is they love about their favorite shows, characters and premises, but they come to know a bit about themselves as well. Whether socially inept or the life of the party, the average PB frequenter is a person of deeply held conviction (even if that conviction is only that Spike should be seen shirtless more), and it is on a PB that this can be expressed in the purest, and occasionally the most satisfying, way.

And if you've never posted before, why should you, a hopefully sane, probably semi-normal, definitely cool ('cause you're reading this) person hook up to a Message Board? Well... there's the fun. And then more of the fun. And the fact that you meet some great people. And, of course, there's that whole fun thing. I just keep coming back to the fun. Whether it be the official PB of a show or a TV network, an unofficial PB of a comic book or a brand of toys, or even the PB of a Web Magazine (go on, visit the Message Board, you know you want to), these open forums are the most accessible, most effective and above all, the most enjoyable way to tell your fellow fans just what you think of life, the universe and everything. And sure, PBs have their problems from time to time and they've all got their quirks; the stresses, and arguments and eye-strain, oh my! And it does take up a lot of your time. But somehow being a regular at a Posting Board can foster such feelings of belonging and stimulation and bone-deep amusement, that when it comes time to shuffle of that posting coil, you can feel like you have left an indelible mark behind. Rare feelings of control and fulfillment in a world in which those are in pretty short supply.

And, hey. Who needs one of those Real Life things, anyway?

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