It's A Zen Thing
The X-Files self-destructs in Part III of our ongoing series, "The Carter Conundrum."
      by pisher

Some people said that Carter should have had more of a chance -- forgetting that he had already been given three years to make a success out of Millennium. Time wasn't the problem, not for him. The problem was that all people wanted from Chris Carter was Mulder and Scully. And how do you suppose this made him feel about Mulder and Scully? Did you ever hear about the time A. Conan Doyle tried to murder Sherlock Holmes?

Wait, worry, who cares? KISS fans -- and few others -- did in Millennium season three.

Just how badly this defeat rankled Carter could be barely discerned from the subtle little signs one could see in the ensuing X-Files episodes. Like when we see a father watching Harsh Realm at the same time his daughter is being taken and killed by otherworldly beings -- and the next day, feels obliged to tell a curious Mulder that "It was good." Or when in the seventh season finale, we encounter an FBI auditor, an anal twit named "Chesty Short"(sic) who actually dares to question some of the X-Files division's expenses. Mulder seems to take this in extremely bad humor, and after saying something to the silly man about how he has been "expanding the limits" of their profession or something, he then "reduces his vision" -- or so he tells Scully later.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that -- did Mulder actually commit an act of violence against a colleague because he asked him some very reasonable questions in a snotty manner? It is not made clear. It does not seem to serve the plot or Mulder's character very well. One almost gets the feeling that a point is being made at somebody's expense -- and ours as well, since seeing a multimillionaire score points against his bosses is low on our scale of must-sees. We just want to see good stories about characters we like. Is that too much to ask? Rhetorical question.

1013, it should be noted briefly, is getting another shot at a new series. The Lone Gunmen. Characters created by Glen Morgan, James Wong and a colleague of theirs, during the first season. Refashioned somewhat by Vince Gilligan and John Shiban in the fifth and sixth seasons. Gilligan, Shiban, and Spotnitz are doing nearly all the work on the show, reportedly. I've seen a clip of the opening credits that was leaked online. Guess whose name is up at the top of the "created by" credit? C'mon, guess!

Mind you, the network probably wants Carter to put his name on this one, just for publicity's sake. And the credits could change before the show ever airs. Hey, and maybe he'll even credit Morgan and Wong somewhere! Let's see what happens. I mean, assuming they don't yank it so fast this time we don't even get to read the credits. "Created by -- Fox regrets to announce that disappointing audience reaction to the opening credits has led to the cancellation of -- ". That probably won't happen to The Lone Gunmen -- not right away -- but the networks are sure running scared these days. Which makes them simultaneously disinclined to trust any new show that doesn't hit right out of the gate, and to hang on for dear life to any established show that still gets halfway decent ratings. And the standard for what constitutes decent ratings keeps falling, as audience members defect to cable, or the internet, or simply decide that even real life is preferable to network primetime.

Which is why we are getting an eighth season of The X-Files from Chris Carter. In the early days, he used to love to say that he didn't see the show going past five years. He said this a lot. The show could continue if the network wanted, but without him. Then Millennium didn't do so well. Suddenly he changed his mind, and The X-Files could go "seven seasons strong". If it went any further, it "wouldn't be under my aegis." Then Harsh Realm failed. Then he said he could imagine an eighth season, but not without Duchovny and Anderson. Then Duchovny and Anderson made it pretty clear that they were out of there after season eight. Then he said he would not rule out a ninth season, even without the two of them. "There are so many more stories to tell", is a favorite mantra of his lately.

What's scarier than one Kathy Griffin? Two of them -- in a Carter-penned episode, at that.

And indeed there are. Stories about virtual reality warrior babes who kill real people in games, beat up Mulder and then morph into Scully (okay Carter only directed that one, but tell me you don't think he changed the "First Person Shooter" script to prove he was in charge. Maybe it was less than excruciatingly horrifyingly evil before that. Maybe not.)

What do you say to some stories about finding ways to cover up the fact that the character who is supposed to be the driving impetus of the show is gone for half the season, because the actor playing him is sick and tired of the role? Not that the actress playing the other central character is a lot more enthusiastic. But at least they're getting paid to show up. What's our excuse?

And how about stories concerning red-haired Special Agents who used to stand for courage, loyalty, and intellectual integrity being turned into soap opera sob sisters, carrying their temporarily written out of the script man's baby -- or is it? Or is there a baby? I mean, who the hell knows? At the end of season four, Scully was supposed to think Mulder was dead.

The rapist/hero of Carter's "Post-Modern Prometheus."

Oh, and while I have never seen the concluding episode of Twin Peaks, I am reliably informed that the abduction scene in "Requiem" resembles parts of it a lot. Of course, Twin Peaks was probably a big influence on the pilot as well. It's a good influence to have. But seven years on, we have to ask -- does Chris Carter ever write a scene without having some other person's scene in the back of his head? Is there a there there?

And finally let's not forget my personal favorite -- stories about sets of twins separated at birth, and doomed to repeat strange behaviors and cause possibly supernatural chaos, due to genetic predestination. Stories like "Fight Club." Um -- wasn't that the plot of "Szyzgy"? And isn't the title from a movie that was in theaters a few months back?

And actually -- didn't Carter's wife, Dori Carter (nee Pierson) write a movie reminiscent of this with her cousin Marc Rubel? A pleasant enough little comedy, starring Bette Midler (the rich man's Kathy Griffin) and Lily Tomlin (the star of "Ghosts who Stole Christmas")? Didn't this movie come out before The X-Files ever aired?

It did. Back in 1988. It's called Big Business. Yes, a two word title that is identical to that of an earlier film (in this case, a Hal Roach classic with Laurel and Hardy). It is about two mismatched sets of identical twins separated at birth, and genetic predestination. Visual gags about how the separated twins have the same tastes and personalities abound, as they do in Fight Club. You can find it at the local Blockbuster. It's kind of fun.

Did Carter steal his wife's plot? Not really. Is it plagiarism? Not hardly. Why would he choose to do something that so obviously resembled his wife's best known script, even though he clearly does not have any affinity whatsoever for this kind of material and he's done the twin thing already with "Syzygy"? I have no idea. Particularly since the twin idea had been done so beautifully in first season's "Eve". Which Carter didn't write. He seems to have some kind of twin fetish, though. And now we may know where he got it from.

Pierson's career as a scriptwriter kind of stalled after Big Business, and she ended up writing a novel, just recently published (haven't read it yet), entitled Beautiful Wasps Having Sex. It sounds like it has a lot of juicy industry insider stuff. Carter is supposed to promote it, though I haven't found any reference to his actually doing so as of yet. The protagonist is a woman screenwriter making the rounds in Hollywood, after her marriage to a more successful "Ur-Wasp" scriptwriter fails (hmm). She then takes on a younger man as a protégé (HMMM). He proceeds to be corrupted by the Biz, and becomes a real wheeler dealer (MmmHMMM). At the end, she is apparently saying "I wonder how I ever could have liked him." I think we can guess who the "Ur-Wasp" is. The other guy sounds like more of an amalgam of people she's known. Anyway, it's fiction, loosely autobiographical at most. Maybe a good summer read, perhaps even a showbiz equivalent of Primary Colors -- and this time we know who the author is. And who the author knows. Should be fun figuring out who's who.

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