With the name Jan de Bont echoing through the summer like a syllabic triad of doom, it is no doubt time to examine a truly frightening occurrence: horror and sci-fi remakes. This phenomenon is an old, time-worn practice, but as anyone who's suffered through recent remakes of The Haunting, Psycho or The Mummy knows, it's rarely a wise one. Sure, every now and then something interesting comes along, but the fact of the matter is that for every John Carpenter's The Thing, there's about a zillion John Carpenter's Village of the Damneds.

Add to this the ever-growing hubris factor of modern directors (Gus van Sant attempting to outdo Hitchcock), the propensity for dreadful casting (Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates?) and the tendency to do away with the original, superior film altogether (what the hell happened to The Haunting?!), and genre fans have got themselves a big problem. The sacrilege doesn't look to be slowing down either -- several remakes of sci-fi and horror classics are in the works right now. So here's a little challenge for you while you await the latest ode to unoriginality: listed below are seven remakes, some of which are genuine and a few of which are pure invention. Can you tell which are real, which are fakes, and which film started out as fiction but moved alarmingly closer to reality by the time this issue was published? (Answers are given below.)

Rumored Cast: Unconfirmed, although Bay expresses a desire to "youthify" Apes and make it "teen-friendly", so watch out for those WB refugees!
With the success of The Rock and Armageddon behind him, action director Michael Bay has now got his hairy paws on a big-budget remake of the Rod Serling-penned 1969 classic. His new version features a drastic plot deviation from the original and now involves a group of evil genius apes bent on destroying mankind. Scientists race to stop the pernicious primates, but the stakes become raised when one babelicious female scientist becomes pregnant. The new, $100-140 million version is scheduled for the summer of 2001, and will include special effects by Alien's Stan Winston. Comments Bay, "[Apes] is a project I would really like to do. It's a big challenge." That said, the director somberly adds, "I also plan to work on an epic African movie about paleontologist Richard Leaky, the great elephant savior."

Rumored Cast: Winona Ryder
Last seen lauding the virtues of a Heathers sequel, esteemed actress Winona Ryder has settled for a role in the remake of Rosemary's Baby, currently in development. "I have always identified with that character," confessed Ryder in a recent interview in Marie Clare. "And I'm a really huge [Roman Polanski] fan." However, Polanski has nothing to do with this remake, which is said to be a more modern, youthful take on the original tale. The actress will reprise the Rosemary character under the guidance of experienced horror director Brian De Palma, who is said to be giving it a "real Hitchcock feel." Says Ryder of the role: "We want to explore the difficulties of being a woman at the turn of the millennium -- getting pregnant, gaining all that weight. It's, like, really difficult to cope with society as a woman. I think horror movies do a good job of expressing things that are scary."

Rumored Cast: Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard, Michael Williams.
With Artisan Entertainment's The Blair Witch Project a huge critical and commercial success, it comes as no surprise that plans for a follow-up are well underway. The second installment of the Blair series -- tentatively scheduled for a summer 2000 release -- will involve a second roll of film found in the Burkittsville woods: the "lost footage" of the title, which will clear up the more annoyingly ambiguous parts of the original. The new, digital Blair will combine parts of the over 18 hours of footage originally shot by Myrick and Sanchez with new CG creations, including the famed witch herself. "The thing with the original was that you never saw the witch," noted a rep from Artisan. "And the audience really wanted to. So now they will. They'll see it all. The fans have been so terrific with Blair that, well, we just want to give something back. And this one will be scarier than ever."

Rumored cast: Clare Danes, Robin Williams
Over thirty years after the The Bad Seed terrorized audiences with its tale of an inherently evil child, writer/director Nora Ephron seeks to reframe the 1950s classic for a millennial audience. "It's not really a horror movie," insists Ephron. "We use elements from the original, but it's more a dark romance about the pain of growing up different." The remake, entitled The Worst Seed, will star Clare Danes as in the title role and will explore a young girl's life as an unwilling agent of doom. "It's a really touching story," adds Ephron. "And Clare's been really terrific. Her last few movies really led me to believe this is the kind of role she merits." Also cast in the film is actor Robin Williams, who plays the troubled character's psychiatrist to whom she confides her darker impulses.

Rumored Cast: Tom Cruise
So you decide to remake the classic Roger Corman cult classic Death Race 2000, and that pesky millennium thing just keeps getting in the way. What do you do? Call it Death Race 3000, of course! The film (originally a violent, satirical tale of homicidal racecar drivers) will follow the adventures of Tom Cruise, who will drive a car around the world, which is now conveniently linked, from ocean to ocean by a gigantic bridge. Go future! The film, directed by Paul Anderson, plans to abound in Phantom Menace-esque CGI, and will probably earn a PG-13 rating. Says director Anderson of the remake, which Corman and Jeremy Bolt are also co-producing, "I got to know Roger and I've always been a big fan of Death Race," adding that "[Tom Cruise] is enthusiastic" about the production.

Rumored Cast: Will Smith
A remake of the 1933 James Whale classic in which Claude Rains was the Invisible Man, this new version from Ron Howard will now feature the rather discernible Will Smith in the title role. The comedy-inclined Smith seems to be appropriate casting for this remake, however, whose emphasis on humor over horror is apparent in its choice of directors -- The Farrelly brothers, of There's Something About Mary fame! The plot of the film involves scientist Big Willie turning himself invisible and running amok throughout the countryside. Rap song for soundtrack is probable. Still in development, no release date has been set for this newly star-studded ode to the tragically unseen.

Rumored Cast: Britney Spears as Regan
Like Bay's Planet of the Apes and De Palma's Rosemary's Baby, this new six-hour miniseries from original Exorcist novelist William Peter Blatty promises to add a new and youthful approach. Topping things off is the surprise casting of pop star Britney Spears, who will play the demonically possessed Regan MacNeil as well as contribute a new song, "I'm a Real Headturner", to the soundtrack. The miniseries (scheduled for ABC this winter) is the author's attempt to bring his own vision of the story to film. Says the 71-year-old Blatty of the casting, "I think audiences are going to be really thrilled with Britney, who gives a stand-out performance. She's the spitting image of what I thought about all those late nights writing the novel." The new version will also feature Scary Spice as the voice of the demon Pazuzu and Jordan Knight as Father Merrin.

Answers
1. True
2. False
3. False - sort of. At the time this spoof was written there were no official plans for either a Blair Witch remake or sequel; however, Artisan and original directors Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez are now really planning a sequel for the summer of 2000! No word yet on the plot, but the film is rumored to have (surprise!) special effects and a big budget.
4. False
5. True
6. True
7. False, although Blatty is planning an Exorcist "prequel".

QUOTES FROM FALSE BLURBS WERE MADE UP. That's right. We faked it. So don't go around quoting it up like you know somethin'. Information and quotes for all true items was taken from cinescape.com. Questions, comments and rants on this article can be sent to letters@the11thhour.com.