Issue 15 - September, 2000

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The 11th Hour

When She Was Buffy
Part two of our Buffy guide: a look at seasons one and two.
      by Lisa Kincaid

THE SECOND SEASON

Xander and Angel feel the effects of Buffy's badness.

"When She Was Bad"
Summary: When she comes back to Sunnydale after summer break, Buffy's a very cranky Slayer. She has dreams of being killed by the Master, and it's not just run of the mill nighmare stuff, either: the Anointed One and the minion crew are planning on resurrecting the Master with a ritual that involves killing those who were close to him. Buffy assumes that this means her -- she did, after all, share an After School Special kind of bond with the ugly ol' fella -- but the rest of the gang soon discovers that that means those who were physically close to the Master at the time of his death: Willow, Giles, Cordelia, and Miss Calendar. Buffy gets over her attitude, and goes with Angel and Xander to rescue their friends. The Master's finally gone for good when she smashes his bones to powder with a big sledgehammer.
And the moral is: If you're mad because a bunch of vampires want to kill you, don't take it out on your friends.

"Some Assembly Required"
Summary: When corpses start disappearing from graves, Giles suspects that someone is raising a zombie army. But when body parts are found in a dumpster -- and not enough of them to make a whole girl -- it quickly becomes apparent that other forces are at work, and the prime suspects are science geek Chris and yearbook photographer Eric. Chris' brother Daryl, a football player who'd once dated Cordelia, died in a rock climbing accident, but death in Sunnydale is never very permanent: Chris resurrected his brother, but life as Frankenstein's monster is lonely, so the Chris and Eric are building Daryl a girlfriend from dead parts. The only thing they're lacking is a head, and that's where Cordelia comes in. They kidnap Cordelia, planning to take her head (after all, there can be only one), but the party's crashed by Buffy, and the lab burns down, with Daryl and his incomplete girlfriend still inside.
And the moral is: If you're lonely, try a singles hotline.

New baddie Spike has his eye on Buffy.

"School Hard"
Summary: The Anointed One wants Buffy dead, and there's only one thing to stand in his way: all of his minions are big ol' idiots. But as luck would have it, there's a new bad-ass in town by the name of Spike, who's come to town hoping the Hellmouth will cure his ailing girlfriend, Drusilla. He's killed slayers before, and he's all too happy to do it again just to keep the local vampire populace off his back. Unfortunately for Buffy, though, the vampire threat is the least of her problems; Principal Snyder has charged her and the school's other worst trouble maker with organizing for Parent-Teacher Night at Sunnydale High. Just when her mom and Snyder are having a little talk, and Buffy thinks things can't possibly get worse, Spike and his gang crash in and hold everyone in the school hostage. Angel, who turns out to be Spike's sire, tries to fake the bleached blond vamipre out, but ends up chased off by the Anointed One's minions, leaving Spike and Buffy alone in the school to battle it out. Spike nearly bests Buffy but is beaten off by Buffy's ax-wielding mother, making his escape and ultimately taking control of the local vampire population by dusting the Anointed One.
And the moral is: Be patient, and one day your plan to kill a slayer may actually succeed.

"Inca Mummy Girl"
Summary: It's a time of international celebration at Sunnydale High, with a new batch of foreign exchange students. Buffy's mom has volunteered to take one into their home, and they end up with a nice young South American girl named Ampata. But Buffy's got more important things on her mind, like a life-sucking Inca Mummy and the weird-ass warrior type who seems to follow it around. Xander, however, is more than happy to spend plenty of time with Ampata, and soon they're getting mighty romantic, while a depressed Willow, jealous that some other girl's got Xander's attention, catches the eye of Dingoes Ate My Baby guitarist Oz. Buffy and Giles discover that Ampata herself is the Inca Mummy, sucking the life from others in order to stay young and alive, and she nearly takes Willow as her next victim. A heartbroken Xander offers himself in Willow's place, but Ampata's unable to kill him, and she withers away to nothing without another lifeforce to sustain her.
And the moral is: Be wary of foreigners. They could be the walking dead, you know.

Scoobalicious!

"Reptile Boy"
Summary: Buffy's quest for a normal life once again leads her into trouble. She's annoyed that Giles expects her to do nothing but slay all the time, and she's not exactly getting the warm fuzzies from Angel, either. So when Cordelia's invited to a college frat party -- on the condition that Buffy attends with her -- Buffy agrees to go along and have a bit of regular-girl fun. The cute frat boys aren't all they seem, though; they get their wealth and power from a demonic snake that resides in their basement, and once a year they feed it pretty young girls to keep it happy. Buffy and Cordelia are drugged and chained up in the basement for snake food, while Xander -- who crashed the party in an attempt to keep his friends safe -- makes his escape and goes for reinforcements. The rest of the gang busts in, rescuing the girls from the big snake guy, and Buffy decides that maybe doing normal things isn't so fun after all.
And the moral is: Of course the drinks are drugged! For God's sake, these are frat boys!

"Halloween"
Summary: It's party time and a slayage-free night, because for some reason Halloween is a dead night for the undead: they stay in. When Buffy and friends are roped into chaperoning groups of elementary school kids for the night, they go to a new costume shop to find some cool duds, then go out for a candy-filled night. But the costume shop is run by a fella named Ethan -- an old pal of Giles' from his hellraising days -- who worships chaos, and he's enchanted the costumes so that their wearers will become whatever they're decked out as. The children turn into demons and ghouls; Willow, draped in a sheet and going as a ghost, finally finds that she is one, Xander becomes the soldier he's dressed as (complete with tattoo), and Buffy, dressed as a lady from Angel's era, becomes a complete and total wussy. A very bored Spike takes advantage of the situation, enlisting the newly-evil children to help him hunt the Slayer down, but just as he's got her right where he wants her, Giles busts into Ethan's shop, breaking the spell, and Buffy begins to fight back. She kicks Spike's ass and sends him running, but he once again lives to fight another day.
And the moral is: It's not just monsters that stir up trouble when you're living on a Hellmouth.

Buffy holds Dru hostage just like in "Lie To Me", except that this is like... a random photo shoot.

"Lie To Me"
Summary: Buffy's not too sure about Angel since she saw him talking with Drusilla -- though from where she stood, it looked more like smooching. When her old friend Ford, from her high school in Los Angeles, suddenly shows up in Sunnydale, it's all too easy to use his presence to make Angel jealous, but things get a bit more complex than that when Ford sees Buffy stake a vampire, and doesn't seem to care. Somehow, he already knows she's the Slayer, and as it turns out, he's using Buffy as a bargaining chip with Spike in order to gain his own immortality and avoid death at the hands of cancer. Ford's plan backfires, though, when Spike and his gang storm into the goth club where the rest of the vampire hopefuls are waiting, and Buffy screws everything up by taking Drusilla hostage and forcing Spike to let everyone go. He does, but he also holds to his word with Ford and turns the boy into a vampire... which Buffy stakes as Ford rises from the grave the next night.
And the moral is: Those wannabe-goth types really can be dangerous! They're shifty!

"The Dark Age"
Summary: When a body turns up on the grounds of Sunnydale High, it's almost just another day of strangeness, but this particular body was carrying Giles' name and address, which makes the police very interested in the school librarian. He identifies the body as one of his old school friends from England, who he hasn't seen in a couple of decades, but he knows more than he's letting on: in his youth, Giles rebelled against his Watcher destiny by getting into trouble and stirring up a little evil with his friends. The past -- in the form of a demon named Eyghon -- comes back to bite Giles, and the rest of his old buddies, right in the ass. Ethan Rayne shows up, hoping that Eyghon will go for Giles first, but it ends up in Giles' would-be girlfriend, Miss Calendar. Since Eyghon can only inhabit dead or unconscious persons, Angel tricks it into entering his very dead body, where it gets its bum kicked by the vampire-y demon that took up residence in Angel two centuries prior.
And the moral is: When you're experiencing the wildness of your youth, stick to stuff like cigarettes and leather-clad bikers, and avoid the whole black magic thing.

Angel's been a bad daddy.

"What's My Line, Part 1"
Summary: It's Career Week at school, and Buffy's bummed because she's already got a calling that prevents her from doing all those normal job-type things, and it's not one with a very long life expectancy, either. Meanwhile, Spike and Drusilla are planning something nasty, but they need to keep Buffy occupied, so Spike hires the Order of Taraka -- a group of supernatural assassins -- to take the Buffster down. The first of the assassins is dispatched by Buffy and Angel at the ice-skating rink, where the two lovebirds were meeting for a cheer-up-Buffy session. They kiss on the ice, and are watched from the shadows by a mysterious girl. The second assassin, a man made of bugs, heads for Buffy's house, but the only ones there are Xander and Cordelia, who are trying to find the missing Slayer. Angel goes looking to beat some information out of the local bartender, Willy, but he's caught by the mysterious girl, who locks him away in a cage to be dusted with the sunrise. She then attacks Buffy, and finally reveals herself as Kendra... the Vampire Slayer.
And the moral is: If you want a job done right, do it yourself.

Buffy and Kendra

"What's My Line, Part 2"
Summary: After a bit of fighting, and arguing over whether there can be two slayers at all, Buffy and Kendra call a cease-fire and go to see Giles, confirming that both are slayers, and that Kendra was called when the Master killed Buffy. When Kendra gives up Angel's location and Buffy rushes to save him, she's too late; Willy's already released Angel but, unbeknownst to Buffy, delivered the sun-weakened vampire into Spike's hands. Xander and Cordelia, trapped in Buffy's basement by the Bug Man, end up sneaking ellicit smoochies in the heat of an argument, and Oz and Willow -- who've finally actually met, at the school's Career Fair -- are ambushed along with Buffy by a third assassin dressed as a policewoman, who fires at the students and ends up winging Oz. Angel, meanwhile, is being tortured by Drusilla and needling a jealous Spike; Buffy's guy is eventually taken up to a church, where he's to be used in a ritual to restore Drusilla's strength. Things nearly go off without a hitch, but Buffy and Kendra bust in, along with the Scoobies, and ruin everything for the villains; Spike tries to take Dru and make his escape, but Buffy brings down the church organ on his head and leaves the two vampires buried in the burning building while she rushes Angel to safety. Buffy says goodbye to Kendra, and it looks like the end of our favorite bleached bad boy and lovely nutcase... but Drusilla, strengthened by the aborted ceremony, hauls a crippled Spike from the debris.
And the moral is: Don't mess with Buffy's boyfriend.

"Ted"
Summary: Buffy's mom, Joyce, has a new boyfriend, Ted, and though he seems like the perfect guy, Buffy's none too happy. She doesn't want Ted to replace her dad, and besides... there's just something off about the guy. No one else shares her concern, though; in fact, everyone but Buffy just loves the skilled chef and miniature golf player, including Joyce. Buffy and Ted clash over most everything, since she's not the meek daughter he seems to want her to be, and eventually the tension explodes: Ted hits Buffy, and she hits back, sending him crashing to the bottom of the stairs. His neck breaks when he hits the bottom, and Buffy's questioned by the police, but Ted's body disappears, and he soon turns up back at the Summers residence. As it turns out, he's actually a crazed robot who's married and killed before, and he intends to make Joyce his next victim. Unfortunately for Ritter of Borg, Joyce's daughter is the Slayer, with ample experience in kicking robotic ass, and Buffy sends him back to the scrap pile.
And the moral is: If your mother's dating a robot, at least try to get some yummy cookies out of the deal before bashing his motherboard in.

Xander and Buffy fight an invasion of body-snatchers in "Bad Eggs".

"Bad Eggs"
Summary: The mall's just no fun when you have to cut into your shopping time to kick a little vampire bum, but Buffy does her duty and runs off the baddie -- a vamp named Lyle Gorch -- even though the delay makes her late and earns her unwitting mother's ire. Things don't get better at school the next day: carrying eggs and caring for them as babies is a health class tradition, but Buffy's not around for the assignment -- duty called -- and ends up as a single egg mom. But the eggs weren't laid by any chicken, and something hatches from Buffy's "baby" in the night. She kills it, and takes it to Giles for study, but he and the other students and faculty have already been taken under control by the egg creatures -- with the exception of Xander, who hard-boiled his egg to make it less breakable. Buffy and Xander are knocked out by their friends and left locked in a closet with a couple of Bezoar eggs, but they escape and follow another student to a cavern in the school's underbelly, where the momma Bezoar has all of her slaves busy digging and readying the eggs for further distribution. The party's interrupted by cowboy vamp Gorch and his brother Tector; they engage Buffy and the possessed students in a fight, but Tector's eaten by the Bezoar. Buffy's pulled in for a snack as well, and Lyle Gorch runs off, but Buffy emerges triumphant, killing the Bezoar and freeing her friends. The incident is explained away as a gas leek at the school, and Buffy's in even more trouble with her mom.
And the moral is: Sometimes parents just don't understand -- but how are they to know that you didn't do what they asked because you had to fight evil instead?

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