Ghost
He had the time of his death.

I have a friend who never cries in movies. The death of Bambi's mother left her unaffected, she watched Schindler's List without a sniffle, and even "I Will Remember You" only made her eyes a little moist -- and she's been threatening to declare out a fatwah on Joss Whedon ever since Angel went to LA.

Which is why I will never forget the way she bawled when first we saw Ghost.

If you haven't seen it -- and why not? -- let me give you a quick run down. Sam (Patrick Swayze) and Molly (Demi Moore) were the perfect couple. He an underling in an investment firm, she a starving artist, they still managed to secure a lease on a palatial loft in the middle of New York City. Admittedly, it was a fixer-upper. But once they had, with the help of Best-Friend Carl (Tony Goldwyn), taken down a few walls and polished the floor boards (in next to no time), it was an apartment even Monica and Rachel from Friends would be ashamed to dare suggest they could afford.

The love of this couple is shown to all the world to the strains of an old sixties song on the Jukebox as they make out with clay-covered hands (she's a potter, of course), attend the theatre (with a love of great drama, naturally), and then, oh tragic then, Sam gets shot, dies, and takes to haunting this realm of existence without even being able say "boo." There is a lot of white light, a lot of transparent spirits being taken to a higher place, and a whole lot of walking through things as Sam becomes accustomed to his new status. Uppermost in his mind is Molly, who, from this point on in the movie, is always, always crying.

Sam, while on his undead tour of the city, comes across psychic charlatan Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg), who can hear him, which entirely freaks her out. He makes her meet up with Molly by repeatedly singing "I'm Henry the Eighth I Am" at her (though he really should have gone with "She's Like The Wind" if he wanted fast results.) Molly, the skeptic, can't believe that Sam's all Casper-y, and when she tells Best-Friend Carl about it, he makes a move on her. In fact, he tries the ol' "Oh, I spilled stuff on my shirt, I'd better take it off" routine, which -- as any girl who's seen Dirty Dancing only about a million times could tell you -- would probably be effective for Patrick Swayze, but not so much for sleazoid Carl.

Sam eventually realizes that it was in fact Best-Friend Carl (henceforth known as Former-Best-Friend-Who-is-About-to-Die Carl) who caused his death, because of some embezzlement thing at the bank-type place where they work (does it matter?) The evil guys get punished, Sam enters Whoopi in order to touch Molly, the white light comes and he goes into that happier place where he will never have to see his beloved shed another tear... or in Striptease.

Man, it's a girly movie. And it really displays the true virtues of its stars. Demi showcases her real talent (for crying prettily), Whoopi displays hers (for wisecracking left and right), and the true gift of Patrick Swayze (for wearing jeans) is amply demonstrated as well. And even the lesser characters are well cast, with Tony Goldwyn (one of those "Hey, I know you!" actors) as inadvertent murderer -- but deliberate icky person -- Carl, Rick Aviles (Rat Man from the miniseries of The Stand) as actual murderer Willie Lopez, and the always creepy Vincent Schiavelli (from bit parts as a creepy guy in dozens of forgettable movies) as the ghost in the subway who shows Sam how to touch things in the physical plane.

This movie has a beautiful -- one could almost say haunting, if the pun weren't so blatant -- score, and it really makes what might be cliché, stale or even laughable scenes quite moving; I firmly believe it was the final crescendo alone that made everyone cry at the end. Staying on the music front, this is also the movie responsible for putting The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody" back on the charts in the early nineties, and for making it be played as the first dance at many thousands of recent weddings. Ah, and I believe I have pinpointed the reason Patrick Swayze hasn't had a hit film subsequent to this -- no Bill Medley songs on the soundtrack.

All in all, Ghost is a sweet, sappy, unbelievably goofy story about a man, his love, and what happens after death. It certainly doesn't shy away from the big questions. What if there are dead people watching us all the time? When does the pain of losing someone stop? Who the hell becomes a potter, anyway? How come ghosts don't fall through floors if they can't touch anything? Why can I now not stop singing "I'm Henry the Eighth I Am"?

And just how do you get clay out of linen sheets? I mean, really?

DROOL FACTOR: Patrick Swayze. Hot. Eternally.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: It got pretty graphic when Sam walked through a person. And hell looks kinda gruesome, don't really wanna go there ever, thanks. Also, Whoopi's clothes are just disturbing.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Oda Mae Brown lays down the law and tells it like it is... except when she's scamming people, of course. She should have kept all that money, though. Molly's just kinda there.

-- Rachel Hyland

Ghost is currently available on video.

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