In the process of building multimedia archives for one of my sites, GlennQuinn.com, I watched Dr Giggles four times. I'm fairly certain that this is a record, and I think I should be rewarded in some way. If Goodtimes Home Video won't pay for psychological damages, I think they should at least send me a copy of the Dr Giggles VHS so I could beat on it with a tire iron.
As a science fiction and horror/suspense fan, I've seen my fair share of bad movies. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any I've seen that were worse than Dr Giggles. Starship Troopers and Hideaway were Oscar material by comparison. The box for this movie actually says, "You'll die laughing... but his unlucky patients will just die!" That's misleading, actually. If you're anything like me, you'll watch it with your finger poised over the fast-forward button, and said finger will get a lot of exercise. At very least, the murder scenes -- and there are an inordinate amount of them -- can be skipped to get to the plot, such as it is.
The movie starts off with Evan Rendell -- also known as Dr Giggles -- leaving a nice initial body count behind as he escapes the sanitarium and heads back to his hometown. As revealed in poorly cut black and white flashbacks, his father was killed by the townspeople, and Evan, now 40, is back for revenge. Jennifer, our protagonist, has just gotten out of school for the summer, but she's bummed because she's got a heart condition that's keeping her from doing fun things like getting drunk and passing out.
Now, I have to take a sideline here and point something out. Grisly murders aside, Jennifer's story is the most incredibly sad part of this movie. Why? Her boyfriend, Max (played by the ever-luscious Glenn Quinn, one of Issue 4's Fall Guys), is a big fan of "unsafe practices". But Jennifer can't engage in any strenuous activity because of her faulty heart valve. Forget some psycho killing off everyone you know (which no one seems to notice anyway). Having Glenn Quinn for a boyfriend and having no choice but to abstain... that is truly tragic.
Anyway. In the course of murdering Jennifer's friends and family for the fun of it, Evan discovers Jennifer's heart condition, which calls up memories of his own mother's death. He resolves to help her by doing a little transplant, nevermind that he's not actually a doctor and everybody he comes in contact with tends to die. He pursues Jennifer and eventually gets her to his little creepy-house-down-the-street. She gets rescued, goes in for her operation in an actual hospital, has to kill the guy again... blah, blah, blah.
This movie's obviously meant to be funny. Evan's always spouting lines that are supposed to be wisecracks, and there's visual gags. The main problem is that you're supposed to laugh as this guy's chopping people up. I'm sorry... but that's just not a big laugh-fest for me. I did manage to put aside my natural ewww reaction for gratuitous violence before I watched the film, knowing that I was getting into a horror movie, but even aside from the attempt at comedy... these murders are just boring and highly predictable. Attempts at suspense just end up dragging on the viewer-torture much longer than necessary. Every other line is a cliché and everything else is like a cliché in the making. And the attempt to be funny removes any unintentional funniness, which may save other bad horror films as far as entertainment value goes. This film is at its best when watched either at double speed (only then is the film even remotely funny... and only if you're drunk), or muted so you can provide your own dialogue (again, this is best when you're hammered).
Of course, the only way I like to see Dr Giggles is in a million little bits in the garbage can. I'm still waiting on my VHS and complimentary tire iron.
DROOL FACTOR: Glenn Quinn, baby. The only problem I see with his yumminess is that American accent -- which he pulls off quite well throughout his career, thankyouverymuch -- because after hearing his real brogue on Angel... well, there's no going back.
GROSS-OUT FACTOR: As is the tradition with truly stupid horror movies, they've attempted to replace plot with gore. Lots and lots and lots of disgusting murders, including makeshift lyposuction, lethal injection, and severe misuse of other medical devices. The Doctor's waiting room is quite the makeshift morgue, and there's a very long and very unnecessary scene of the Doc stitching up his own injuries.
STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Jennifer doesn't take a whole lot of crap from Max, initially, but after he helps save her (okay, he just gets knocked around, mostly), she pretty much forgets that he's a weak-willed moron who nearly bonked the school 'ho. And Jennifer's also as boring as everyone else; when it comes down to the attempted suspense in the film, she's just your stereotypical horror movie chick: she screams, she cries, she behaves in a totally wussy fashion, and she falls down a lot. She does fight back in the film's conclusion, which is nice. Every other woman in the film is about as lifelike as a cardboard standee: they're there just to be murdered, and don't do their gender justice with a lot more screaming, terrified quaking, and general stupidity.
Dr Giggles is currently available on video.
-- Lisa Kohles
