In order to fit in with the Hot Guy/Bad Movie theme of this month's video reviews, I decided to pick a movie that starred a friend's idea of a hottie. Don't get me wrong, Stephen Dorff is no Elephant Man, but he just hasn't done anything for me outside of the few moments when he bares a striking resemblance Rodney Rowland (featured among our 11 hottest guys in issue 1). Anyway, as far as I can tell, he's only got two genre flicks on his resumé that were done past the age of consent; Blade and this one. Since I'd already seen Blade, I decided to brave Space Truckers.

That was a mistake.

If the cheesy video cover wasn't enough of a warning, the name Dennis Hopper should have set off the crapfest alarms. Oh sure, ol' Dennis has some sure fire classics under his belt, but when one of his movies stink? Break out the Lysol.

Space Truckers isn't supposed to be some great piece of science fiction that leaves your imagination on fire long after you've left the theater. I get that. However, that's no excuse for the boring plot, bad acting (although given the lines they were supposed to deliver, I don't blame the cast), and laughable special effects.

The plot involves truck driver John Canyon (Dennis Hopper) taking on a load of top secret freight headed for Earth and in the process picking up two passengers, Cindy (Debi Mazar) a young waitress who has promised to marry him if he can get her to Earth to be with her mother, and a just licensed driver by the name of Mike Pucci (Stephen Dorff). It turns out that he's hauling a giant conglomerate's robotic army that is going to help them take over the world. Along they way the trio undergoes some adventures, the two youngun's fall in love, and they discover the menace that lurks in their trailers. All the bad guys die. All the good guys survive. The world is safe for another day. End of story.

Big whoopee do.

DROOL FACTOR: Stephen Dorff is not only tied up and shirtless for a significant portion of this movie, he even sports some interesting tattoos. However, my Stephen-obsessed friend admits that they are probably of the Lick 'n Stick variety. While that might seem a bad thing at first, the thought of applying said Lick 'N Stick tattoos on a tied-up-Stephen was enough to make my friend smile.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: The pirate captain nekkid. Ugh.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Cindy (Debi Mazar) pulls the plug (literally) on a would be rapist, but other than that this is your standard dumb movie chick.

Space Truckers is available on video

-- Linda M. Najera