Getting Buffed
The final part of our Buffy guide: a look at seasons three and four.
      by Lisa Kincaid

Some might call him... "Rilicious". But that's not really a word.

"Doomed"
Summary: Picking up where they left off in "Hush", Buffy and Riley finally manage to find some enough words to have an argument over the secrets they've kept from each other. They decide to take a break from each other and figure things out, and an earthquake hits, making Buffy worry. The quake breaks some pipes in Xander's basement apartment, and he orders his houseguest Spike to fix them and do some laundry to earn his keep. Buffy goes to see Giles about the earthquake, which she worries may be supernatural, but he brushes off her concern and is more worried about locating the commandos. Willow goes to an "aftershock party" at another dorm, but ends up finding a boy's dead body in one of the rooms; his throat has been slashed, and there's a symbol carved into his chest. Meanwhile, Xander arrives home to find that Spike has done laundry; he washed his own clothes, and managed to shrink them, so he's wearing some of Xander's: a Hawaiian shirt and long shorts. At Giles', the Scoobies get together to discuss the dead student and Willow sketches the symbol that was carved into the boy's chest, which Giles says is a sign of the end of the world. Spike's so depressed over his chipped status that he tries to commit suicide, but is interrupted by Willow and Xander. Buffy runs into Riley, and tells him that they can't be together because their relationship is doomed. The Scoobies find that the demons are planning to open the Hellmouth again, so they go back to the ruins of Sunnydale High and Buffy's forced to dive into the Hellmouth to grab one of the demons and prevent the world from ending; she's saved by Riley, who hooks a line around her waist so that she can be retrieved from the Hellmouth. Once the danger has passed, the rest of the gang realize that Riley's a commando, and Riley nearly recognizes Spike. Buffy and Riley make up, and Spike realizes he can still hurt demons, just not people.
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And the moral is: Secrets are bad, but may lead to make-up snogging.

"A New Man"
Summary: Giles is feeling left out, especially since he has no job, and he doesn't seem to know what's going on in Buffy's life anymore. Professor Walsh tells him that Buffy lacks a strong father figure, and he finds out that Riley's in the Initiative only to discover that everyone else knew and nobody bothered to tell him. So when Giles' old school friend, Ethan Rayne, shows up in town again, Giles resists the urge to beat him up and instead goes out with him for a beer. Ethan warns him that the demons in town are scared; there's something called "314" that they should be worried about. They then proceed to get really, really drunk, and when Giles wakes up the next morning, he discovers that Ethan slipped him a magical mickey, and he's been turned into a demon. Unable to speak English and looking definitely not like himself, he tries to get help, but no one recognizes or understands him. The Scoobies think that Giles has been taken by a demon -- specifcally, the demon that Giles has turned into -- and are on the look-out for him. Wandering through the cemetery, Giles happens across Spike, who's going to kill him until he recognizes that it's Giles; Spike can speak the language of the demon, so he understands what Giles is saying, and agrees to help him... for a price. They track Ethan down, as does Buffy, and they all converge in Ethan's hotel room, where Buffy fights with demon-Giles and nearly kills him, but recognizes his eyes just as she stabs him. Giles is returned to normal, Ethan is carted off to be "rehabilitated" by the Initiative, and somewhere in the bowels of the secret lab, Professor Walsh enters a door labeled "314".
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And the moral is: Beer bad. Still.

Buffy is so not the team player.

"The I In Team"
Summary: When Buffy and Riley tell Professor Walsh about Buffy's Slayer status, the Initiative commander is intrigued, and asks her to join forces with them to fight the evil. But Buffy's friends are worried that she's getting in over her head, and Anya -- being a former demon -- is hardly comfortable with their presence. Walsh doesn't seem entirely thrilled to have Buffy around -- she seems jealous of the relationship Buff has with Riley -- but that's not all she's hiding. In section 314, she and another Initiative doctor are creating their own Frankenstein's monster, Adam. Buffy and Riley are sent out with a team to capture and bring back a Polgara demon, while another team spots their escaped Hostile 17 -- Spike -- and shoots him with a tracker bullet. Hyped up from the fight with the demon, Buffy and Riley engage in some wild monkey lovin', and Spike swallows his pride by going to Giles to ask for help hiding from the Initiative, which Giles reluctantly gives him. Willow and Tara grow closer, while Willow's relationship with Buffy becomes more strained. Walsh decides that Buffy needs to be eliminated, and sends her alone into the sewers with a faulty gun. Buffy's forced to fight the demons hand-to-hand, and wins; just as Walsh tearfully tells Riley that his girlfriend's been killed, Buffy picks up her headset again and, knowing that Walsh is watching, tells the Professor off. Feeling betrayed, Riley walks away from Walsh and the Initiative. Giles tries to convince Spike to leave town, but he refuses to leave without getting the chip out of his head, and in section 314, Walsh visits her creation, only to be killed by a very awake, very alert Adam.
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And the moral is: When you make an evil monster, expect it to kill you. It is evil, after all.

So, Soldier-Boy's on smack. I should've known it.

"Goodbye Iowa"
Summary: As the Scoobies discuss what they're going to do about the Initiative, Adam escapes into the world, full of curiosity of the scary kind: he finds a little boy and dissects him to learn about how humans function. Riley, meanwhile, is confused by what he saw at Initiative HQ, and though Buffy tells him that Professor Walsh tried to kill her, he insists that there must be some sort of mistake. He leaves to think things through, and back at the Initiative complex, when Doctor Angleman finds Professor Walsh's body on the floor in section 314, Buffy appears to be the prime suspect in the murder. Riley has taken command of the Initiative and goes out with the men looking for the Polgara, which he thinks may have killed Walsh, but he's behaving strangely and becoming paranoid. Willow goes to Tara for help in doing a spell to locate the demon, but Tara purposely goofs the spell for reasons that aren't revealed. Buffy and Xander enter the Initiative (disguised as a scientist and a soldier, respectively) to find out what's really going on down there, and Riley soon follows them. They discover that the soldiers have been given drugs in their food, which explains Riley's behavior: he's going through withdrawls now that the drugs have been cut off. Buffy, Xander, Angleman, Riley, and Adam all end up in the same room, and ass-kicking ensues; Buffy finds she's not strong enough to beat Adam, and the monster calmly leaves after mopping the floor with the locals. At Willy's bar, Spike's confronted by a group of demons who are mad that he's been helping the Slayer, and they beat the crap out of him. Buffy's worried about Riley, who's been in a military hospital after being stabbed by Adam. Riley has more pressing problems -- like the fact that his entire world has been shattered and everything he knew was a lie -- but he's also thinking about Buffy.
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And the moral is: Don't trust the Man, man.

"This Year's Girl"
Summary: Faith's been at the hospital, in a coma, ever since Buffy knifed her in "Graduation Day, Part 1", and she's been having strange dreams about the Mayor and Buffy. When she suddenly wakes up, she's got revenge on her mind; she slips out of the hospital and goes to find Buffy. At the hospital, a nurse makes a suspicious phone call, telling someone that Faith is awake, and Buffy receives a similar call from the hospital staff, interrupting a planning session in which she and her friends are plotting to take down the Initiative. While the gang tries to figure out what to do about this new development, Faith is standing outside the window, spying on them. At school the next day, Buffy and Willow discuss how they'll find Faith, but that problem's solved when the other girl appears behind them. Faith and Buffy fight, but the cops show up, forcing the second Slayer to flee. At the hospital, a black helicopter arrives and its shady-looking occupants are met by the equally shady nurse. Faith's later confronted by a demon, who tells her that he has a gift for her from the Mayor; she kills the demon and takes the package he carries, which includes a videotape from the Mayor and some sort of magical gadget. She goes to Buffy's house, where she holds Joyce captive, but Buffy busts in to the rescue, and they fight. Giles arrives home to find the men from the helicopter sitting in his apartment, and the police approach Buffy's house at reports of a commotion. Just before they arrive, Faith reveals the device the Mayor gave her in her hand; she clasps her hand with Buffy's, something magical happens, and the police cart Faith's unconscious body away. When Joyce asks Buffy if she's alright, the girl answers, "Five by five." The device has switched Buffy and Faith's bodies.
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And the moral is: Revenge is sweet, especially when you're delicious and evil.

Whoooboy!

"Who Are You"
Summary: Faith is already enjoying her new residence in Buffy's body, fooling Joyce, taking a nice luxurious bath, and goofing around. She also uses Joyce's credit card to buy a plane ticket to parts unknown. Buffy, meanwhile, wakes up in the back of a police car, and finds herself in Faith's body. She tries to reason with the cops, but ends up not having to; a big-ass truck crashes into the police car, and the leather-wearing toughs from the helicopter in "This Year's Girl", who turn out to be special operatives from the Watcher's Council, drag her out of the squad car. They arrest her and throw her into their own truck, intending to take her back to England to be tried before the Council. Faith hits the town in Buffy's body, not bothering to patrol and going clubbing at the Bronze instead; she hits on Spike, is mean to Tara, and even seduces Riley. But she also finds herself changing as a result of living in Buffy's skin for awhile, and she doesn't like the differences she sees between herself and Buffy. Buffy escapes from the Watcher's Council goons and goes to Giles, explaining that she's really Buffy in Faith's body, but he's skeptical until Willow and Tara show up: after "Buffy"'s poor treatment of Tara, they suspected she wasn't herself and performed a spell to find out what was wrong. They've created a magical device much like the one the Mayor left for Faith, so that Buffy can get her own body back. When a gang of vampires, swayed by Adam's sewer preaching, hold a churchful of people hostage, Buffy rushes to save them, and Faith, though she's at the airport on her way to escape, does the same. They dust the vampires then fight each other, and Buffy ultimately switches their bodies back. Buffy starts setting her life to rights again, and Faith blows town, obviously changed by the experience.
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And the moral is: You can't run from yourself, no matter how hard you try.

"Superstar"
Summary: Something's definitely up in Sunnydale: back in high school, Jonathan Levinson was the standard geek and everybody picked on him; he even tried to kill himself in "Earshot". But all of the sudden he's a suave James Bond; and not just that, but he's also a singer, a movie star, an author, and a crime-fighter... in fact, he's better than Buffy, and she's just his pretty sidekick. And nobody seems to notice that anything is amiss, until Buffy becomes suspicious of the way he deals with a new monster in town. Everybody loves Jonathan, so Buffy has a hard time convincing them, but it turns out that Jonathan used magic to create a sort of alternate reality where he's the best at everything, and the most popular guy on the planet. Unfortunately the side-effect of the spell was that it created a monster to balance out the magic, and Jonathan isn't able to fight it: if he does, he loses his cool and starts to revert back to his geeky self. Buffy ultimately kills the monster and the world snaps back to normal, with people liking Jonathan even less after what he did.
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And the moral is: Don't try to make yourself something that you're not, especially through use of questionable magic.

See, in this picture they're just talking. But there's none of that talking stuff in "Where The Wild Things Are". It's pretty much just sex.

"Where The Wild Things Are"
Summary: Buffy and Riley seem to have gotten over all of their relationship issues and moved on to the stage where they shag like jackrabbits on PCP. Anya's worried that her relationship with Xander is deteriorating, because they haven't had sex in two nights; she's sure that this means they're breaking up, and after Spike tries to mug her outside the Bronze, they end up having their own private pity-party together inside. Buffy and Riley, meanwhile, are still having the crazy sex at the Lowell House, even while there's a party going on downstairs. Xander's at the party, along with Willow and Tara, and eventually even Anya and Spike show up. They notice some strange stuff going on, and are forced from the house, deciding to get Giles' help before trying to rescue Buffy and Riley, who are still inside, rutting like mad cows. They discover that the Lowell House was formerly a children's home for runaways and disturbed youths; when they visit the woman formerly in charge of the shelter, they quickly deduce that under her care, the children were so sexually repressed that their pain caused the formation of poltergeists, which still inhabit the house. Buffy and Riley, meanwhile, are still having the sex, and the house won't allow them to stop, since it's feeding on their sexual energy; eventually they'll run out of juice and die. While the others prepare a spell to bind the poltergeists, Xander and Anya enter the house, managing to mostly evade all the vines that have grown up, Sleeping Beauty-style, around the dorm. Xander and Anya repair their relationship, and manage to bust in and save Buffy and Riley before their lust kills them.
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And the moral is: Sex is bad. Bad, bad, bad.

"New Moon Rising"
Summary: Willow and Tara are entering into a real relationship, but things are shaken up when Oz suddenly reappears in town, having found ways to control the wolf and hoping to pick things up with Willow again. Willow's conflicted by her feelings for him and for Tara and isn't sure what to do, but when Oz sees Tara the next day -- and smells Willow all over her -- he understands what's going on. The revelation angers him, and he's unable to control the wolf; he starts to change in broad daylight, and Tara runs as the OzWolf pursues her. Before the animal can catch her, it's stunned by Riley and his team, who drag OzWolf off to the Initiative, over Tara's protests. Tara tells Willow what's happened and the gang is assembled, getting ready to go in and free Oz before he can be experimented on. Spike is approached by Adam, and they form an alliance, which results in Spike helping the Scoobies to get into the Initiative to free Oz. Thinking that OzWolf is the creature that killed one of his soldiers the night before, Riley nearly shoots him, but at the last moment, Oz turns back into Oz. The Initiative begins experimenting on Oz, and Riley takes pity on him, trying to sneak the werewolf out, but they're caught and Riley's tossed in the brig. Buffy and her friends infiltrate the Initiative and free both Riley and Oz by holding the installation commander hostage. Oz realizes that Willow is what brings out the wolf in him, and he doesn't think she'll be safe with him around; he leaves town again, hoping that Willow will be happy with Tara, and Riley is left as a fugitive from his former friends.
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And the moral is: Werewolves are people too.

Isn't he just a handsome and devilish fellow?

"The Yoko Factor"
Summary: Adam's working up to his evil climax, but in order to rid himself of his enemies -- Buffy Summers and the Initiative -- he needs some help. He approaches Spike and promises the vampire that in exchange for his help, Adam will remove the control chip that prevents Spike from harming humans. They plot on how to destroy the Slayer, and Spike has a plan to remove her support base by turning the Scoobies against one another. Riley, meanwhile, is in hiding, trying to avoid the Initiative soldiers who want to arrest him; Riley's heard from Buffy all about Angel and how he turned evil, but he didn't really know how it happened until Xander lets slip that Angel loses his soul as a result of a moment of happiness. This doesn't sit well with Riley, whose girlfriend has been in Los Angeles visiting the aforementioned ex-honey. When he hears a distress call on the Initiative radio frequency, Riley rushes to the scene to help his former friends only to find that they've been thoroughly trounced by Angel. Angel and Riley fight, and Angel takes off after giving Riley a beating. They meet up again back at Buffy's dorm room, where Angel's gone to talk to her; after a tense confrontation, Angel reveals that he came to apologize for what he said to Buffy while she was in Los Angeles (in the Angel episode "Sanctuary"). Riley's worried that Buffy has gone back to Angel, but she definitely hasn't, and she has worse news to break: Adam has killed Riley's friend, Forrest. Spike is sowing the seeds of discontent by whispering in the Scoobies' ears (figuratively speaking), manipulating their doubts and fears until it all blows up in a big Scooby Gang angst-fest. Back at the ranch, things are just getting curiouser and curiouser as Riley meets with Adam.
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And the moral is: Maintain open lines of communication with your friends, or resentments will start to develop over your new lesbian Wicca lifestyle.

I wish I had a floppy drive in my chest, too. Except with mine, you'd be able to take the disks out again.

"Primeval"
Summary: Continuing from "The Yoko Factor": Riley is under Adam's control, due to a chip implanted in Riley's chest by Professor Walsh. He's unable to do anything even as Adam goes on with his nefarious plans, along with zombified versions of Walsh and Dr. Angleman, and Riley sees that his friend Forrest has been turned into a monster like Adam. Buffy, meanwhile, runs into Spike and figures out that he was the one who stirred up bad feelings among her friends; she meets with the Scoobies and they form a truce, deciding to work together to go in after Adam when they discover his plan. Adam has urged demons and vampires to let themselves be caught by the Initiative, which has resulted in an installation overflowing with caged demons; he plans to release them and let the soldiers, demons, and Buffy all kill each other, which will leave him with plenty of bodyparts to make more creatures like himself and Forrest. The Scoobies make up and break into the Initiative lab, but they're captured by soldiers; when Adam causes the lights to go out and releases all of the caged demons, Buffy and friends escape the guards left to watch them and go to kick Adam's ass. They barricade themselves in near the opening leading to Adam's hiding place, and set up to do a spell. Meanwhile, Spike feels he's mostly completed his end of the bargain and wants Adam to take his chip out; Adam's unsatisfied with Spike's handiwork and orders Forrest to rip his head off. Spike escapes but ends up in the middle of the battle in the main room, where he commences beating on the escaped demons and vamps. Riley manages to overcome his control chip long enough to cut himself open and pull the chip out; he fights and kills Forrest while Buffy fights Adam. The Scoobies are performing a spell to pool their resources and draw on themselves and the power of the Slayers who've come before to help Buffy fight Adam; together, they make Buffy into a mystical Super-Buffy, and she rips Adam's power center right out of his chest. Ow.
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And the moral is: Even if you are a cyborginator demon type, don't get all cocky. The Slayer can still go all Matrix on your ass.

"Restless"
Summary: After all that ass-kicking, the Scoobies are tired and have earned themselves a nice relaxing movie night. They get together at Buffy's mom's house to watch some videos, but they're wiped and quickly fall asleep. Their dreams (which are wacky and strange) reveal their hidden fears, insecurities, and love of cheese, but it's not exactly your regular REM cycle: they're pursued through their dreams by the First Slayer, who was called up and pissed off by their spell in "Primeval". Buffy eventually ignores the First Slayer until she goes away, but from their dreams it's clear that there's much more to come, and Buffy doesn't know herself as well as she thinks she does.
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And the moral is: I wear the cheese, the cheese does not wear me.

Still craving more? Check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer Tuesday nights on the WB. And if you're still hung up on all the episode-y fun you've missed, you'll find more information than you can shake a stake at at BuffyGuide.com, the web's most huge-assed Buffy episode guide.

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