Repossessed
What's scarier than the new version of The Exorcist? Writing about it.
      by Sarah Kendzior

Demon-y fun is had by all in The Exorcist.

"So you don't feel traumatized by this? You don't look back and feel bitter--"

You look up, lips poised in response, then realize that you're not the one being addressed. Linda Blair responds.

"You can't be!" exclaims Blair. "When you're in the moment about anything that's confusing about your life, you're in the moment where you just have to figure it out. You can go up or down. I just kept working on the higher road. I'm very involved with meditation. I had some really good people that kept coming into my life. I had some very powerful questions as to what this earth was all about. I think, had I not made the movie," she adds, "I might still be a veterinarian in Connecticut."

Blair is asked whether she'd bring her kids, if she had kids, to the movie. "That's something I don't talk about often," she says, showing reluctance for the first time. "Look at me -- it's 28 years later, and you're still asking me about my life and how I dealt with it. What would the world have done with my children?"

Yeah, we hear ya, girlfriend.

You like Linda Blair, as you did Blatty, but you pity Blair more. Laptop Boy has engaged her in a conversation about her life since shooting Exorcist as a pre-teen. Blair is desperately trying to convince us all she's normal -- "I don't live in this dismal world. I like to have fun! And I've worked very hard" -- and you wish this jerk would leave her alone. But no. Things just keep getting more damn repugnant.

"So," says Laptop Boy, licking his lips. "Born Innocent was very controversial at the time. That was the one where you were raped on television with a broom handle." He leans back, satisfied.

Jesus, is this what your profession has come to? Asking grown women, in particular, a woman notorious for being berated for her choice in movies when she was thirteen years old, about, well... man, you don't even want to deal with this shit. Blair tries to retain what's left of her dignity.

"That one was about teenage runaways," she answers. "Abuse goes on at home, people don't always know why. The court thought that I should be sent away to the girl's home. She went to the girl's home, and that's where she was actually raped. People thought I was really a troubled teen," she laughs. "I was possessed, I was drunk, I was a runaway..."

That would be a great punch if you had any ability to write a coherent article at this point. But you haven't the time, the patience, the will. You doubt your audience does either. You're a really bad liar, and you're a worse PR vehicle.

Linda Blair is told by a publicist that it's time to go. She explains that her outfit has "no leather, all pleather!" and mentions her website, which promotes animal rights and alternative medicine.

Her last words on The Exorcist: "For me, I did what I was told."

Yeah.

That probably would have been a good idea, huh?

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