From Whence They Came
'Cause the original isn't always the best.
      by Rachel Hyland

The Invisible Man

Invisible guy in disguise.

History: The Invisible Man (Book)

Written by H. G. Wells, The Invisible Man tells of genius-type Griffin who moves to the small English village of Iping swathed in bandages, attempting to pass for, I guess, a mummy. His steady decline into paranoia, megalomania and depression makes him a danger to himself and others... and, of course, he's invisible, so that's pretty darn dangerous. Eventually, Griffin's insanity destroys him, and the language Wells uses almost takes the reader along with him. So, it leaves you thinking, I sure would like to be invisible one day. But at what price naked Vin Diesel?

The Present: The Invisible Man (TV)

Cute and buff, but... Who cut his hair?

Darien Fawkes (Vincent Ventresca), the man with the quicksilver gland, is an Agent of the Fish and Game Department (of course he is) by dint of the fact that his loving family enabled him to be made into a labrat. As such, he has the ability to come invisible and help his non-super-power-possessing partner, Bobby Hobbes (is it just me, or is this guy like an unholy hybrid of Donald Schanke, Ray Vecchio and that cop from VIP?) He also has a love interest (duh), an arch-nemesis (who's hair is to Vanilla Ice as is Fawkes' to Brendan Fehr), and a chip on his shoulder about the whole freaky invisibility thing that could lead to, you guessed it, insanity. But, hey. He sure can wear a tank top.

The Best? Vincent Ventresca is the deciding factor. As classic as the Wells-ian adventure is -- and as inspiring as it has been to Hollywood, with progeny including Hollow Man and a Chevy Chase movie -- it just doesn't have any hot guys. I kid. That's not the only reason The Invisible Man is more enjoyable than, well, The Invisible Man. The fact is, the book is about isolation, loneliness, and despair, and yet evokes only immense dread. The TV show, meanwhile, is about two guys solving crimes, and yet manages to evoke isolation, loneliness and despair quite admirably. And did I mention Vincent Ventresca?

Read the latest reviews of The Invisible Man here!

La Femme Nikita

Merde!

History: La Femme Nikita (Movie)

Luc Besson's masterpiece of cinema -- as all the faux intellectuals who will only watch a subtitled movie if they've seen the "original" American version call it -- is a gripping slice of fish-out-of-water-ness when the beautiful Nikita is co-opted by a covert Government agency as an assassin. They think she's the gal for the job, having been convicted of murder and all bad ass-y. Turns out the poor petit chou (chou means cabbage -- why do French people call people cabbages?) was framed, though, and much rage against the regime ensues. The visuals in this movie are fantastic -- we all know that Luc The Fifth Element Besson is not averse to a little color contrast -- the performances are breath-taking, and, unlike the US version, The Assassin (or Point of No Return as it was called in the US) there is in truth some beauty.

The Present: La Femme Nikita (TV)

Everybody in black.

Starring Peta Wilson, Roy Dupuis and all kinds of other people who's chief talents appear to be a Spock-like lack of expression, La Femme Nikita is a high-tech spy thriller bearing only a passing resemblance to its predecessor. Sure, Nikita is framed for murder and is recruited into a shadowy Government agency -- this one American, and called Section One -- and has a hard time adjusting to their kill-or-be-canceled mentality, but the interaction between characters, and her place in the world, is certainly a thing apart. In this incarnation, Nikita is one of the top operatives for Section, not a mere assassin -- though she can, and does, kill, in many and varied ways -- but a spy and infiltrator type, who uses her beauty and brains to bring down the enemies of the people using the oldest weapon in the world. Add into the mix her forbidden love with top op Michael, and you have a confusing, gripping, shamefully-compelling drama that proves Executive Producer Joel Surnow is second only to Joss in his ability to make me love and yet hate him at the same time.

The Best? Hey, it was a great, great movie -- and even The Assassin/Point of No Return had Gabriel Byrne in it -- but the show takes the prize for coolness, sexiness, plot-ness and almost all other forms of -ness. The film of La Femme Nikita will ever be a favorite, but it just cannot compete with the matched joys of chicks in cool clothes with guns and whisper-y guys in black -- with guns. Also, it wasn't genre, and the show is, so. Case closed.

Pokémon

Why, God? Why?

History: Pokémon (Video Game)

You are a Pokémon trainer, basically a slave master whose raison d'être is to capture some cute little critters from their natural environment, imprison them and make them do your bidding. Bidding which, usually, involves fighting some other cute little critter, so that you can make it an indentured servant, too. Oh, but there are pretty colors!

The Present: Pokémon 2000 (Movie)

Oh my dear Lord, what are you thinking? Where is this much vaunted beneficence and love of all man? How could You let this... this crime against all that is decent and good get made? I thought the first one was bad, but this... do you realize that there was actually a moral? Why, God? Why?

The Best? The... uh... oh, do I have to care? Although, at least when playing the game you don't pray for a not-so-pocket-sized monster to come into the cinema and suck out your eyeballs 'cause you just can't take it anymore. Also, have you noticed how weak and pathetic that Misty chick is? What kind of role model is she for the kiddies? The game may be only mildly entertaining, but at least it doesn't destroy one's faith in a loving God and all His works. Though, the music is like a drill right through the brain... basically, they're as bad as each other, and the besotted children of today are all freaks.

Read about video games and why they're so weird here!

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