From Whence They Came
'Cause the original isn't always the best.
      by Rachel Hyland

Roswell

They're really good books. Really.

History: Roswell High (Books)

Max, Isabel and Michael are aliens. Their ship crashed on Earth 'cause of sabotage and they only survived through the cool alien technology of their incubator pod things. Several decades later they broke free of their pods -- looking fully human, 'cause of their species' highly-adaptive powers -- and they made themselves at home on good ol' terra firma. From that bizarre premise, the books get actually good. Max is in love with a human girl -- Liz Ortecho, who's family owns the alien-themed Crashdown Cafe right in the heart of geek homeland, Roswell -- and when he saves her life, he puts himself, his sister Isabel and best-friend Michael in jeopardy from the local sheriff. Throughout the course of the next nine books (so far) in the series, many more dangers await the trio and their human buddies: Liz, Maria and Alex. And get this: they're actually witty. Smart, and sensitive, funny and endearing and real, each and every one. And the scary part is, there is no sarcasm here.

The Present: Roswell (TV)

Max, Isabel and Michael are aliens. Their ship crashed on Earth 'cause of sabotage and they only survived through the cool alien technology of their incubator pod things. Several decades later they broke free of their pods -- looking fully human, 'cause of their species' highly-adaptive powers -- and they made themselves at home on good ol' terra firma. From that bizarre premise, the TV series actually gets... well, kinda lame. I mean, fun lame. Self-deprecatory, I-can't-believe-I'm-watching-this-yet-I-can't-not-watch lame. Sure, there's an element of the pretty people doing cool stuff like moving molecules with their minds and surfing people's dreams and things -- and an overly-forced conspiracy plot-line that is strangely captivating -- but it's pretty much just ice-cream for the brain... and not even a good brand like Ben and Jerry's. (Also, I'd just like to point out that Liz's surname is now Parker.)

Typecasting in action.

The Best? Well, the books walk all over the TV series in the quality, enjoyable-ness, plot, characterization, wit, thoughtfulness, pop-culture-aware and idealism departments. Which doesn't really leave a lot of departments. And you have to wonder why they didn't run with the plot of the books on the show. Sure, the ten books -- averaging a tome-like 120 pages each! -- are hardly chock-full of potential roles for former General Hospital cast members, but they are full of humor, emotion, drama, romance and even suspense, while the TV show is just kinda... there. The books have no Topolsky, no Tess, no skin-crawly involvement between the Sheriff (who is happily killed off early on) and Maria's Mom. But the show... well, it's so involving. I don't need to buy the next Roswell High book -- though I probably will -- but I do, somewhere in my sick, twisted, disturbed little brain, need to watch the next episode of the rapidly-improving Roswell. It's sad, sad, sad.

Read the latest reviews of Roswell here!

The Simpsons

The value of the word "d'oh" can not be over-estimated.

History: The Simpsons (TV)

Oh, how can anyone not adore that wacky Simpson family? They personify all that is cringe-worthy and kinda freakish about our own lives, and yet they're bright yellow. Their subversive humor infuses every facet of our day; there is not a single situation in the world about which you cannot say: "Hey, it's like that episode of The Simpsons, you know the one..." and have knowing smiles be reflected on the faces of those around you. As a cultural phenomenon they are unique, as a textbook example of the dysfunctional familial dynamic they are frighteningly familiar, and as an hilarious, often ridiculous, look at life, the universe and everything, they are unsurpassed. Oh, and they brought into the lexicon the multi-functional word "D'oh," which is a service none of us will ever adequately be able to repay.

The Present: Bartman (Comic)

It's just so cute.

It's all about Bart being Bartman, and fooling the denizens of Springfield into thinking that this masked mischief maker is some other spikey-headed delinquent with the letters B, A, R and T in his name. And succeeding admirably. Oooh, this El Barto, who can he be? He is so mysterious and enigmatic... however shall we find out who he is? Usually teamed up with The Simpsons comic tales -- a delight in themselves -- and with hilarious forewords, afterwords, or whereverwords from creator Matt Groening, Bartman would be a must-buy book, even without the associations to the show.

The Best? While lacking the deep socio-political ramifications of its antecedent, the comic is cool.. Wonderfully drawn and whimsically written, the comic highlights all that is so stupid about the series, and is just a reason to keep living all on its own. That said, the series is definitely in the top ten of all time, and is the most re-watchable ever. Plus, the whole "D'oh!" factor. I'm not kidding about how handy that word is.

Starship Troopers

Heinlein's classic novel.

History: Starship Troopers (Book)

Johnnie Rico joins the army to see the universe, and sees instead the business end of an alien weapon. It's a story that transcends race, religion, nation and language: the innate desire to defend your home, your loved ones and yourself, from the other. The invader. That which is different, and dangerous, and deadly. It is a story of courage, and freedom, and the drive to be all that you can be in a world that doesn't want you to be yourself. Oh, and it's about war and stuff. Gruesome war and stuff. It's a Robert A. Heinlein classic, man against insect... by the way, life-sized insect stories just shouldn't be allowed. I mean, ew.

Read the 11th Hour review of the book here!

The Present: Roughnecks: The Starship Troopers Chronicles (TV)

Possessed of an almost Space: Above and Beyond feel, this latest reworking of the story is so divergent from the book -- and contains some elements of the almost unmentionable Verhoeven movie -- that it could have been produced under a different title, and with a few character name changes, no one's copyright lawyers would have been up in arms. However, it is far truer to the spirit of Heinlein's novella than the accursed film, and is actually a great show. Amazingly produced in stunning CGI, it combines sly, for-the-parents jokes with interesting dilemmas and makes the leap from pointed-reality-moment to the disbelief-suspension-zone with ease. Also, no Neil Patrick Harris... much as we loved Doogie, isn't it time for him to just stay the hell away from us all?

A digital Space Marine.

Read the 11th Hour review of the movie Starship Troopers here!

The Best? Huh. Hard choice here, but I am gonna have to go with the TV show. Sensational technical wizardry, great characterization, surprisingly clever dialogue... it even had a DeLuise in it! Granted, it was that one from Jesse, but even so. The show was recently pulled from the Sci Fi Channel, and is unlikely to return with new episodes, but keep those letters and e-mails a'coming, kids! In fact, that is the main problem with the show... it was marketed for kids. And it is not a children's tale, certainly not in all its glory. With a more adult edge, and just a leetle more violence -- for realism's sake, naturally -- it could have achieved high cult status. Sci Fi Channel, when will you learn?

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