Lost Souls
If Ben Chaplin's the Anti-Christ, does that mean he'll get all hedonistic with me?

Hmmm. Maybe evil's not all bad if it looks like this.

Around this time last year, we had several films, like End of Days and The Omega Code, preaching apocalypse for the year 2000. Lost Souls was the one you didn't see; though it was supposed to be released along with its brethren, it was delayed a full year and released in October of 2000 instead, which kind of defeats the "end of the 2000 years" idea. This was the first bad sign that told me I should've known better than to volunteer to review this film.

The second was that it was playing in theater 12 of my local Ultramegagoogleplex movie theater. You know the one... it's tiny and there's crappy sound and that smelly guy two rows down seems to have been sitting in that same seat without moving for several years. The fact that the movie was immediately shuffled into a tiny theater only went to show that the theater staff had had their private screening and dubbed it far too bad to draw a crowd. And as we all know, that skinny usher knows movies better than anybody.

"So wait... if I embrace the Catholic Church, they'll give me my own swingset?"

Of course, I'd already read several vicious reviews of the film, and had yet to find one from anybody that actually liked this movie. My expectations were low. So low, in fact, that I was a little surprised at how much Lost Souls didn't suck. I don't mean to say that it was good, or even very watchable -- because it wasn't -- but it wasn't quite as bad as I'd expected, either. It wasn't Highlander: Endgame bad, at least. It had its good moments -- like Ben Chaplin in a tux, Ben Chaplin in a sexy sweater, Ben Chaplin looking pensive, and Ben Chaplin looking adorably puzzled.

Unfortunately, those are the best parts of the film. The movie is overall mediocre and completely forgettable, with the occasional scene that can only be classified as terrible. When a doctor wants to be present for an exorcism, a grim-faced Winona assures the woman that "You wouldn't last five minutes." And when the priests are getting ready to perform an exorcism -- or do some other priestly things -- the film drops into slow motion for a dramatic effect that just looks silly, like Iron Eagle meets The Thornbirds. The end result of too much editing and too little plot is a pair of heroes who recognize that one of them will soon become the Anti-Christ but don't seem particularly concerned with figuring out how to stop that, and instead spend their time running around pretty much aimlessly and getting into all sorts of trouble.

John Hurt exorcises Winona Rider; sadly, this doesn't cast out the Bad Acting Demon that inhabits her body.

Most viewers will probably be incredibly disappointed by the anti-climactic ending, which may intend ambiguity but just falls flat instead. Though Ben Chaplin really does try, he can't rise above the material, and none of the cast really deliver a worthwhile performance. The film overall is boring, with none of the suspense or sense of urgency that you'd expect from the storyline, and ends up being nothing but a disappointment, even to those of us with low expectations.

DROOL FACTOR: I've had my eye on that cute Ben Chaplin fella ever since The Truth About Cats and Dogs. I see now that even a bad movie can't diminish my affection. As an added bonus, there's also a bit of The Prophecy's Elias Koteas, who's kind of a cutie.

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: Not much. Something strange and demonic happens to one guy, but I can't figure out what, exactly. That was about as bad as it got, and even the dead people still looked pretty in this one.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Winona Ryder attempts a whole tough-chick "I can do exorcisms and you can't" attitude, but let's face it... she's Winona Ryder. There's no hope for strong chicks here.

-- Lisa Kincaid

Lost Souls is currently playing nationwide in the US.

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