Simply Irresistible
I am thankful for Sean Patrick Flanery.

Magic happens. Sometimes it's just in the glint of the sun on the clear blue ocean. Sometimes it's because you really, really believe it will. And sometimes -- just sometimes -- it's 'cause a rotund little cherub of a man makes you buy a magic crab in the Market.

Well. Okay. Skepticism noted and agreed with.

Nevertheless, that is what happens in Simply Irresistible, the charmingest of charming light-hearted food-related romantic comedies starring Sarah Michelle Gellar ever. (Yes, that is a category at your video store. You didn't know?) Gellar plays Amanda Shelton, a would-be chef in a failing restaurant, whose life changes dramatically when Gene O'Rielly (or, just as possibly, Gino Riley, if you don't read the credits) forces her to buy a bushel of crabs, or whatever the collective of crab is, to turn into some as yet undetermined dish. Of course, one of the crabs -- the magic crab, we soon discover -- escapes, and it is through its intervention that we are introduced to obvious love interest Tom Bartlett, played by the similarly three-monikered Sean Patrick Flanery.

Ah. Sean Patrick Flanery. Let me count the ways.

Anyway, Amanda and Tom flirt some, then she heads back to work, crabs in tow, and he -- a big shot at New York department store Bendel's -- goes to chat with his lovely assistant (Patricia Clarkson) about his commitment phobia (foreshadowing alert!), and thence to lunch with girl-of-the-moment, the gorgeous Chris (Amanda Peet.) Through the intervention of a suspiciously familiar cab driver, they wind up at our heroine's restaurant, The Southern Cross, where they are the only new customers for quite some time. And the meals that Amanda serves the couple -- the hastily invented Crab Napoleon for him, the rudely-demanded chicken something-or-other for her -- have a strange effect. Chris freaks out, breaks stuff, and stalks out, leaving Tom in blissful contentment from the meal he's just eaten.

Oooh. There's more.

Whilst shopping for replacement plates at Bendel's -- courtesy of Tom, naturally -- Amanda and her gallant plate-buyer flirt, and flirt some more, and then they dance to an invisible orchestra. And it is just the most sweetest thing ever. Of course, Tom the Commitment Phobe freaks out, but he just can't stay away from the object of his affection. She cooks him dessert, they kiss and kiss and kiss, and then a vanilla fog (which was one of the original titles of the movie) engulfs them both in the strangest of ways. That's it, we assume. Case closed, call the wedding coordinator. It's happily ever after here!

But, duh. The course of true love can never run that smooth. So the next day, while kissing, they start floating, and Tom accuses poor Amanda of witchcraft. (She's a witch! A witch! Burn 'er!) And when the big opening of Bendel's gala restaurant is threatened by the huffiness of the all-important cliché temperamental French chef, Tom is subsequently horrified when a lust-struck Jonathon Bendel (Dylan Baker) -- brought over to the Amanda side of the Force by assistant Lois' force feeding -- puts her in charge of the chef-ing.

As is Amanda. But she does it anyway. And as she cooks for this most prestigious of occasions, every emotion she is feeling goes into the dishes. Only Tom is not affected, as he chose not to partake... so it is a clear-headed commitment phobe who winsomely recalls his magical time with Amanda, and realizes, in true climactic form that he just can't live without her. Soon we see them dancing the light fantastic -- literally -- and they kiss some more, and as the credits roll to the strains of "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" we can visualize the adorable pair living happily ever after.

At least till that magic crab bites it, anyway.

DROOL FACTOR: Sean Patrick Flanery. If you don't know this man, you should. Not only was he the Young Indiana Jones, but he was Powder, a phenomenon way before John Travolta was. (Gosh, Powder was a good movie!) And, what is more important to us right now, the man is just beautiful. Also of note -- ha, as if anyone else could be of note next to the glory of Indy -- is Amanda's assistant, Nolan (Larry Gilliard Jr.) He manages to look cool even in those goofy chef pants. What's the deal with those, anyway?

GROSS-OUT FACTOR: None whatsoever. Um... maybe the mention of rum raisin.

STRONG CHICK FACTOR: Amanda is certainly courageous in the fashion department -- her Todd Oldham designs are unbelievable! -- and is far from being some meek milk and water miss. Assistant Lois is beautiful and brazen... and even girlfriend Chris shows some major spine when under the enchantment of Amanda's cooking. None of them are world-savers... but they sure know how to shop!

-- Rachel Hyland

Simply Irresistible is, deliciously, currently available on video and DVD.

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