"285 South"
Air date: November 10, 1999

Since the previous reviewer of Roswell was accused of not being a sci fi fan (and therefore unable to enjoy the show), I thought I'd start by listing a few of the highlights on my sci fi resume. My mother, an original airing ST:TOS Trekkie, got me hooked when I was just a wee thing and it was on in syndication. I saw Star Wars 21 times in the theater in it's original release. (Note the fact that I refuse to call it A New Hope, a sign of a true die hard.) The only reason bloodshed was avoided in my house during my formative years was because I dug Apollo (Richard Hatch) while my sister was more into Starbuck (Dirk Benedict). And lastly, I pay an obscene amount of money every month to Primestar because the podunk local cable company does not carry The Sci Fi Channel.

So now that everyone knows not to play "more sci fi than thou" with me let's move on to the review.

I've probably seen every Roswell episode minus one. That is, if you can count it was true viewing to sit in front of the TV while your mind wanders. Anyway... My biggest complaint has been that the show took the "less is more" maxim too far until they expected the audience to believe that "almost nothing is something". And then this week they change their minds.

I'm not saying that the amazing occurred and they produced a riveting hour that mixed action and drama. Oh hell, no. It's just that they took one exchange that might have possibly worked and overdid it until the bit was deader than a doornail. And in case you're still reading I'll spell it out for you.

Maria: You do not watch The View.
Michael: It keeps me in touch with my feminine side.

Yeah, yeah, it might sound funny when you read it on a piece of paper, but you have to remember that Michael has not been the most chatty of fellas in past episodes. His job is to brood and be the misunderstood alien. I mean not only does the actor portraying him (Brendan Fehr) look like a young David Duchovny, but he also seems to be channeling a Mulder-esque attitude for Michael. This quip was not Mulder-esque and ruins the joke. A better reply would have been none, or at the most a smug grin.

I would also like to point out the obvious heavy handed machinations that were put into play in order to get this "plot" to work. Why did Michael have to break into the UFO place to get the information when Max already works there and has access to it? So that the Sheriff could get a copy of the information and follow them out there. Why did the government agent have to use a phone booth to call his superiors? Why didn't he just use his cell phone? So that Max would see him and know that they were being followed. And how come the Locked Secret Hidden Basement Room had holes in the ceiling? So that next week the government agents can see the kids in the basement. Not much of a Secret Hidden Room if you ask me.

There are several more annoying things about this show that I would like to mention, like how I want to reach into the television set and strangle Shiri Appleby every time her character Liz makes cow eyes at Max. For God's sake woman! Have some dignity, okay? Then there's Brendan Fehr, who either has a speech impediment or is stifling a yawn every other line. Considering his co-stars and the script he has to work with, I'm leaning towards the latter.

After reading this review you might get the feeling that I loath everything and everyone that is even remotely associated with Roswell. That's completely untrue. I still love Michael Horse (the deputy), Steve Hytner (that UFO place guy), John Doe (the X band member who plays Liz's father), the woman who plays Liz's mother, David Nutter (come back to the light side of The Force, David!), and Thania St. John. (I've seen VR.5, I know you can do better.) The rest of this teen soap opera moving at a snail's pace however...

From the previews for next week it looks like an (only if you weren't paying attention) unexpected romance may blossom between the brooding, alien rebel without a clue, Michael and the stereotypically ditzy human, Maria. To tell you the truth? These characters are more interesting than the leads and if they decide to play it as a full on teen soap, I just may begin to enjoy this show. In fact, Roswell could do with more than a touch of camp and this development could be just the shot in the arm it needs.

-- Linda M. Najera

Roswell airs at 9pm EST, Wednesdays on The WB.

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