The X-Files
"Roadrunners"

Airdate: November 26, 2000

Scully feels the spirit of the Father, the Slug, and the Holy Suckfest of an Episode.

On a recent internet chat, longtime X-Files scribe Vince Gilligan stated that "Roadrunners," his first episode for the show's eighth season, was written as an homage to the Spencer Tracy western, Bad Day at Black Rock. The original film followed the adventures of a mysterious one-armed stranger whose arrival at the town of Black Rock caused a good deal of consternation among the locals, who were hiding a dark secret and would do anything to keep it from being uncovered. It's a tense film that takes full edge-of-your-seat advantage of its claustrophobic setting and builds to a genuinely shocking climax.

I wish I could say that "Roadrunners" does the same. The plot centers on (and let me pause here to laugh uncontrollably at having written "the plot centers on") Scully's investigation of a murder victim in Utah whose corpse is exhibiting "anomalous characteristics." It seems that the local coroner contacted Scully and asked if she'd come check it out, seeing that she has a rather extensive background in cases where anomalous characteristics tend to be the norm. Being that it's not much more than a consultation, Scully opts to go on her own.

"Oh, save me, John Doggett -- I'm just a woman!"

Soon enough, she's following mysterious buses that run through towns that don't exist on any World Atlas maps of Utah. And it's in one such town that she finds herself taken captive by a group of enigmatic cultists who want to make use of her medical skills to nurse a wounded backpacker back to health. But we already know that some serious chicanery afoot due to the fact that we saw this same backpacker get nabbed by the creepy townsfolk after witnessing a brutally juicy murder (Ever wanna see someone get stoned to death -- here you go) in the opening teaser for the show. Why is this backpacking witness now so sick? And why are the townsfolk looking after him? Could it have something to do with that gooey, ten inch-long, slug-like parasite that's been recently attached to the poor shmuck's spinal cord?

During its initial twenty minutes, this X-Files installment almost had me convinced that it was actually going somewhere. I mean, it opened atmospherically, it deals with Scully on her own, and it's written by Vince Gilligan, the same man who brought us unforgettable episodes like "Pusher" and "Paper Hearts" and even "X-Cops." What happened, Vince? Things take a pretty bad turn when Scully is forced to protect the wayward backpacker from the creepy cultists, and she tells him that she's never dealt with anything like this slug creature before. Excuse me? Apparently, she doesn't recall the events of "Ice," in which she and Mulder trek to the Arctic and face off against a gaggle of parasite-infested scientists. Of course, the fact that "Ice" was written by Glen Morgan and James Wong, whose episodes are consistently ignored in this new continuity, this is no surprise. Inimitably, the backpacker kicks the bucket, and Scully becomes Slug-central, but not before repeatedly screaming "No, don't! I'm pregnant! I'm gonna have a baby!" One wonders if this is really just to remind an audience that has found itself slipping deeper and deeper into a coma during this already sleep-inducing season.

"Well, I was planning on putting this paper bag over my head and hiding in shame. But if you've got a better idea..."

But I digress. What, you may wonder, is this slimy slug creature, anyway? Where does it come from? The cultists mention that it's Jesus Christ, but why on Earth would they believe it to be the Redeemer? Is it some sort of alien? There's no telling, since, instead of any sort of exposition, we are instead treated to some sickly exploitative shots of Scully getting bound to a bed, having her shirt ripped up and her pants torn down so that she can be sluggified. The fact that this whole sequence is shot in a manner to be titillating makes it one of the lowest marks in X-Files history. This is full-on VictimScully territory. And, in spite of her protestations, there's no visible remnant of the strong and independent heroine of earlier seasons. The fact that Gilligan himself has stated that the fans are making too much of this doesn't make up for the sheer ickiness of it all. Want more proof? At the moment when she's about to be violated (and I think that word fits in this case) we see a straight-on view of Scully' lower back. What we don't see is any sign whatsoever of that Ourobouros tattoo that she acquired back in the fourth season episode, "Never Again."

So where is the Dana Scully of old? Where's the smart, sardonic fire-haired woman who once beat the living crap out of Leonard Betts? She dies forever in the closing moment when she apologizes to John Doggett for going out to the consultation on her own, rather than bringing along a man to protect her. Where's Scully, I ask again. Please don't bother trying to find her. She's not there.

-- David Rosiak

The X-Files airs at 9pm EST/8pm MNT, Sundays on FOX.

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