The X-Files
"Without"

Airdate: November 12, 2000

Stretch Duchovny: Is this really necessary?

"You've seen this crap for yourself now." -- Agent John Doggett

Is it me, or has John Doggett become the unwitting mouthpiece for late-season Phile frustration? This new agent, this cynical, hardened man, has, like us, experienced The Dark Side, and is seeking the light. Granted, years on the tough New York City streets and later in the FBI bureaucracy don't quite compare to, say, a viewing of "El Mundo Gira", but we'll cut him some slack. Poor guy's been thrust into this strange world where things don't make sense, logic need not apply and people repeat the same sentences over and over as they struggle to come up with better dialogue. He's in an X-Files script. His every phrase is determined by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and, like the grimly determined eighth season viewers, the sorry Muggle can't do a damn thing about it.

So what is first and foremost on John Doggett's mind? The same thing as that of the Viewers at Home, of course -- will Mulder ever take a breather from that whole mutilation thing and rejoin the rest of the cast, preferably in old-school, non-Stretch Duchovny mode? While our new agent displays an enviable grasp of reality ("He can't be gone," says a mournful Skinner; "He can't be, but he is," says stubborn Doggett, as viewers nationwide concede defeat), the Shadow of Mulder looms large. "Within" and "Without" may have tried to pass themselves off as the latest mythology installments, but this was a one-note arc, and the message was clear: Mulder is gone. Doggett is here. Deal with it, ingrates.

We find this much more, uh, pertinent to the plot. And naked. Did we mention he's naked?

But I want Mulll-derrr...

Silence!

But that guy sucks! He's boring! I want Mulder back!

You want Mulder, you petulant fools? I'll give you your Mulder! Mwahahaha!

AUGHHHHHH! NO! What have you done to him?! How could you do that? Is that even physically possible? Although I've gotta admit... that nakedness thing can stay.

Ahem. Moving on.

As in "Within", this episode finds the Mulder Mutilation Count precipitously high. "Without" opens with Mulder -- who, as I predicted, is really the Bounty Hunter (Yes, I know, my powers of deduction are indeed formidable) -- falling off of a cliff and landing in a crumpled heap on the hard, sand-baked ground. (You know, kind of like he does in the opening credits.) We are then greeted with the sight of Mulder's arm hideously twisted and deformed. Being the Alien Faux-lder, he just snaps it back to its original position, but still. Ew. Of course, that doesn't compare to what's in store for the real Mulder, who is back at the alien lab being poked and prodded and having his face torn apart by small, metal machines.

At least they had the sense to take off his clothes.

Maybe I've been duped by the red speedo/black leather jacket/wow he's still so hot side of Mr. Duchovny, but, honestly, is this necessary? I'm trying to see the scientific merit in stretching Mulder's face until it bleeds, but it's just not happening. While I protest the Scully abduction storylines as too frequent and too callous, at least the alien experiments there seemed to have some sort of purpose: They stole her ovaries to build a master race of human-alien clones.

Duchovny decides to abandon The X-Files and pursue a career with J. Crew.

You know, sometimes you just don't realize how stupid something is until you write it down.

And it sounds even stupider now, being that Scully is still miraculously, mysteriously pregnant. Still as dull and slow-witted as ever, she doesn't exactly benefit from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's bland script, which finds her walking and searching and walking and searching as much as a goddamned Hobbit. To You-Know-Who's credit, he seems to have abandoned the pretentious pontification for a more straightforward style, and for that I am grateful, but geez! Make something happen, for Nielsen's sake! "Without" benefits from some truly beautiful and creepy scenery -- the sprawling deserts of Arizona - but it's all mood, no substance. While You-Know-Who is well-known for creating the show's myth-arc as he went along, this episode is so poorly paced it seems almost improvised, a sort of X-Filean tribute to Big Brother.

"Without" has about ten minutes of genuine drama, and they come at the end, where the Bounty Hunter melts into a glob of pussing green goo after being shot in the neck by Scully. This was impressive, not only because it managed to combine action, Strong Scully, and a Cool Melty Effect -- three things I had much missed from my once-favorite show -- but because there was actual continuity present. Scully remembered where to shoot the aliens! He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named remembered where to shoot the aliens! The alien remembered that he bled green, poisonous blood! Scully remember that this might be a bad thing! It was indeed miraculous.

But other than that -- and the Mulder naked deal -- there's not a lot going on. The X-Files has moved from being obnoxious and insulting to just plain dull. I'm sure John Shiban or Jeffrey Bell will revert us back in a few weeks, but for now, Kersh sums it up nicely: "This reads like a piece of pot-boiled science fiction.". Unfortunately for us, David Duchovny figured that out a long time ago.

-- Sarah Kendzior

The X-Files airs at 9pm EST/8pm MNT, Sundays on Fox.

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